Hey Matt! Thanks for the comment on the last post... glad to hear you liked the script. I tried to pay tribute to your brilliant article, which was both funny and amazingly poignant. For those of you that don't know, Matt is the person behind X-Entertainment.com, a wonderful site that focuses not just on nostalgia, but, well, just about everything you can think of... Visit it. Read it. Love it.
Anyways, I'll try to keep everyone posted on the development of the short...
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Saturday, April 14, 2007
Someone brought to my attention a short film festival taking place in July... I think I'm going to attempt to get something finshed for it... Here's the latest draft of what will probably end up being the short:
"DR. SBAITSO"
Screenplay By
Andrew Leavitt
Based on an article by
Matt Caracappa
TITLES OVER BLACK
CUT IN:
EXT. BACKYARD - DAY
Kids are playing, laughing, etc. in the backyard next door. CAMERA then pans to the left, revealing MATT watching them from a window. Matt leaves the window.
CUT TO:
INT. MATT’S BEDROOM – THAT MOMENT
Matt walks to the other side of the room, and lies on his back, on his bed. CAMERA then goes to an OVERHEAD view, as Matt looks up towards the ceiling. Cut to his POV, as we see the curtain above him blowing in the open window.
MATT (V.O.)
There was a period of my life when I didn’t have many friends.
(Start Bach’s “Minuet in G" - song loops continuously)
CUT TO:
INT. BATHROOM - DAY
Matt is looking in the mirror, looking at himself and fixing his hair, etc. Shot ends with him simply looking at himself.
MATT (V.O.)
As a teenager, I was awkward, nervous, and impossibly uncool. The strange thing is, I don’t really regret it. When you have nothing and no one, you tend to appreciate things a little bit more.
CUT TO:
INT. MATT’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Matt is sitting at the computer. CAMERA DOLLIES RIGHT...
MATT (V.O.)
There was one thing, however, which helped me through the tough times of being a total recluse. It was Dr. Sbaitso.
CU on the computer screen (we also hear the Sbaitso “voice” coming through the speakers):
HELLO MATT, MY NAME IS DOCTOR SBAITSO.
I AM HERE TO HELP YOU.
SO, TELL ME ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS.
CU on Matt, thinking. CU on the keyboard as he begins typing. Then back to the screen:
>I have no friends.
ARE YOU SURE YOU HAVE ANY FRIENDS?
>No, like I said, I DON’T have any friends.
THAT’S NOT MY PROBLEM.
CUT to WIDE SHOT. Matt’s at the computer. DOLLY left.
MATT (V.O.)
Ah, Doctor Sbaitso... I spent countless nights chatting it up with the good doctor. The program was a little game that came with my computer. Dr. Sbaitso was meant to be a sort of virtual “psychiatrist”, talking through text on the screen and a horrendous voice coming through the speakers.
CU on computer screen.
>Look, I need help making friends.
PERHAPS YOUR LOVE FOR FRIENDS WORRIES YOU.
>It does. Maybe you could be my friend?
YOU DON’T SEEM TO BE CERTAIN.
CU on Matt’s face, as he types.
MATT (V.O.)
You would think it had some sort of artificial intelligence, but it really didn’t. He couldn’t understand a thing. All of his responses were basically rephrasings of whatever you said.
WIDE SHOT of Matt, at the computer. CAMERA pushes in.
MATT (V.O.)
I didn’t know any better, and so I used to sit up all night trying to get this computer game to solve all of life’s problems.
CU on computer screen.
>I’m all alone. Nobody likes me.
DO YOU BELIEVE IT IS NORMAL TO BE ALL ALONE NOBODY LIKES ME?
>I wish people didn’t hate me.
WHY EXPRESS THIS STRONG EMOTION. IT’S NOT GOOD FOR YOU.
>It’s true, people can’t stand the sight of me.
I AM BORED, TELL ME SOMETHING MORE EXCITING.
>Well you’re a big help.
ONE MUST BE CRAZY TO EXPECT HELP FROM ME.
>Can’t you tell me how to make friends?
I’LL HAVE TO RESEARCH THAT ONE.
>How long will it take?
KEEP ASKING, YOU WILL FIND THE ANSWER ONE DAY.
CU on Matt, typing.
MATT (V.O.)
Sbaitso’s responses were a mix of non-answers and answers that didn’t make any sense. So, while nobody in their right mind would’ve paid money for Dr. Sbaitso as an actual video game, I credit it with saving my life.
CUT TO:
MATT’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
MONTAGE:
Matt is lying back on his bed. CAMERA PUSH-IN.
DISSOLVE
Matt is looking out the window at the stars/moon.
MATT (V.O.)
You see, these were depressing times for me. The nights seemed longer and bleaker than ever, and each day seemed to be worse than the last.
CUT to Matt on the computer. CAMERA push-in from the side.
MATT (V.O.)
Sometimes, I tried to level with Dr. Sbaitso. I figured that he’d cut the bullshit and start talking to me for real if I made everything sound desperate and important enough. To be honest, I guess I was hoping more that God himself would somehow manifest and start talking through the white text on the screen.
CU on computer screen.
>What is the meaning of life?
I AM BORED, TELL ME SOMETHING MORE EXCITING.
CAMERA pulls back from Matt.
MATT (V.O.)
Of course, none of this worked. Sbaitso was still the same goofy idiot he always was, no matter what I told him. Nevertheless, no matter how ridiculous his responses were, I tried to take them as gospel, and I wracked my brain to conjure up some deep meaning behind his every statement.
CUT TO:
INT. MATT’S BEDROOM – DAY
CU on computer screen.
>Why are we here, on this earth?
WE ARE HERE.
CU on Matt’s face. A look of confusion.
BEAT.
WIDE SHOT. CAMERA pans from Matt to the open window.
MATT (V.O.)
I didn’t have the instruction manual and I didn’t know that computer programs weren’t magical things capable of supernatural feats. In my mind, there were no limitations to Dr. Sbaitso. I just had to stumble across the secret words and he would give me his undivided attention. Unfortunately, those words didn’t exist.
DISSOLVE TO:
MATT’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
CU on the keyboard, fingers pressing keys...
CAMERA pulls back.
MATT (V.O.)
Sometimes, I’d get on a roll. I’d get eight or nine decent responses from Sbaitso, and gain wrongful confidence that he and I had finally made some kind of connection.
CU on computer screen.
>Why do you think that is? 4
DO YOU LIKE MATH?
MATT (V.O.)
With my guard down, I’d make a typo, and type in a number by mistake, and Sbaitso would go right back to asking me if I liked math. Asshole.
CU on Matt, frustrated.
Back to the screen. Matt repeatedly types the words “fuck you” over and over again.
MATT (V.O.)
Whenever I got frustrated with Sbaitso’s lack of compassion for my important problems, I’d start cursing him out. It felt good. However, Sbaitso was NO advocate of bad language. Whenever such words were spoken, he’d warn you to knock it off. If you didn’t listen, he’d give you something called a “parity error”.
The computer makes a loud beeping sound, and dozens of lines of nonsensical characters flood the screen, followed by the words PARITY ERROR.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. MATT’S BEDROOM – DAY
CAMERA pans from the open window over to Matt at the computer.
MATT (V.O.)
Seems so stupid, but I managed to sit there for hours with Dr. Sbaitso. He was like a diary with entertainment value. I probably had more than 500 conversations with Dr. Sbaitso during my youth, and I’m pretty sure that each of them ultimately steered towards sex. At that age, I knew very little of the subject, and neither did Dr. Sbaitso.
CU on the computer screen.
>Sex.
AGAIN?
>Sex.
THERE IS AN EXTRA CHARGE FOR TALKING ABOUT THIS PROBLEM
>Sex.
ALWAYS REPEATING
>Sex.
REPHRASE YOURSELF PLEASE.
>Let’s talk about sex, baby.
DO YOU REALLY NEED TO TALK ABOUT SEX?
>I want to have sex.
SOMETIMES, I WANTED TO HAVE SEX, TOO.
>But you’re a computer. Computers can’t have sex.
DON’T YOU THINK COMPUTERS CAN HELP PEOPLE?
>Not if they can’t have sex.
TELL ME ABOUT YOUR OTHER INTERESTS.
>I enjoy eating baby heads.
WHY?
DISSOLVE TO:
CAMERA pans across Matt, staring at the screen.
MATT (V.O.)
Sbaitso never seemed to understand me, and I certainly didn’t understand him. But that didn’t stop me from asking questions. When I had nobody else to turn to, I sought the advice of the invisible man behind the screen.
(The looping of “Minuet in G” stops).
CUT TO:
INT. MATT’S BEDROOM – DAY
CAMERA pans over to Matt, at the computer.
CU on Matt.
CU on the keyboard, typing.
Then, CU on the screen.
>Why do you think that is?
YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT BY NOW.
BEAT. Matt looks at the screen. He stops, looks to the open window.
CUT to the window. Matt walks into frame. He looks outside, watching several kids talking.
MATT (V.O.)
Today, I have no complaints. I don’t have a bad word to say about Dr. Sbaitso. It sounds messed up, but the guy really did help me. Sure, he had no idea what I was talking about, but I got to vent my frustrations.
Matt walks away from the window. CAMERA pans to the window and focuses on it. Moments later, an OUT-OF-FOCUS figure (Matt) passes in front of the window outside.
MATT (V.O.)
If you were young and depressed and bad at everything when you were 16, Dr. Sbaitso was Prozac before Prozac was ok.
Start Bach’s “Minuet in G” again.
CAMERA pulls back slowly from the window...
END CREDITS START over this image.
THE END
"DR. SBAITSO"
Screenplay By
Andrew Leavitt
Based on an article by
Matt Caracappa
TITLES OVER BLACK
CUT IN:
EXT. BACKYARD - DAY
Kids are playing, laughing, etc. in the backyard next door. CAMERA then pans to the left, revealing MATT watching them from a window. Matt leaves the window.
CUT TO:
INT. MATT’S BEDROOM – THAT MOMENT
Matt walks to the other side of the room, and lies on his back, on his bed. CAMERA then goes to an OVERHEAD view, as Matt looks up towards the ceiling. Cut to his POV, as we see the curtain above him blowing in the open window.
MATT (V.O.)
There was a period of my life when I didn’t have many friends.
(Start Bach’s “Minuet in G" - song loops continuously)
CUT TO:
INT. BATHROOM - DAY
Matt is looking in the mirror, looking at himself and fixing his hair, etc. Shot ends with him simply looking at himself.
MATT (V.O.)
As a teenager, I was awkward, nervous, and impossibly uncool. The strange thing is, I don’t really regret it. When you have nothing and no one, you tend to appreciate things a little bit more.
CUT TO:
INT. MATT’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Matt is sitting at the computer. CAMERA DOLLIES RIGHT...
MATT (V.O.)
There was one thing, however, which helped me through the tough times of being a total recluse. It was Dr. Sbaitso.
CU on the computer screen (we also hear the Sbaitso “voice” coming through the speakers):
HELLO MATT, MY NAME IS DOCTOR SBAITSO.
I AM HERE TO HELP YOU.
SO, TELL ME ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS.
CU on Matt, thinking. CU on the keyboard as he begins typing. Then back to the screen:
>I have no friends.
ARE YOU SURE YOU HAVE ANY FRIENDS?
>No, like I said, I DON’T have any friends.
THAT’S NOT MY PROBLEM.
CUT to WIDE SHOT. Matt’s at the computer. DOLLY left.
MATT (V.O.)
Ah, Doctor Sbaitso... I spent countless nights chatting it up with the good doctor. The program was a little game that came with my computer. Dr. Sbaitso was meant to be a sort of virtual “psychiatrist”, talking through text on the screen and a horrendous voice coming through the speakers.
CU on computer screen.
>Look, I need help making friends.
PERHAPS YOUR LOVE FOR FRIENDS WORRIES YOU.
>It does. Maybe you could be my friend?
YOU DON’T SEEM TO BE CERTAIN.
CU on Matt’s face, as he types.
MATT (V.O.)
You would think it had some sort of artificial intelligence, but it really didn’t. He couldn’t understand a thing. All of his responses were basically rephrasings of whatever you said.
WIDE SHOT of Matt, at the computer. CAMERA pushes in.
MATT (V.O.)
I didn’t know any better, and so I used to sit up all night trying to get this computer game to solve all of life’s problems.
CU on computer screen.
>I’m all alone. Nobody likes me.
DO YOU BELIEVE IT IS NORMAL TO BE ALL ALONE NOBODY LIKES ME?
>I wish people didn’t hate me.
WHY EXPRESS THIS STRONG EMOTION. IT’S NOT GOOD FOR YOU.
>It’s true, people can’t stand the sight of me.
I AM BORED, TELL ME SOMETHING MORE EXCITING.
>Well you’re a big help.
ONE MUST BE CRAZY TO EXPECT HELP FROM ME.
>Can’t you tell me how to make friends?
I’LL HAVE TO RESEARCH THAT ONE.
>How long will it take?
KEEP ASKING, YOU WILL FIND THE ANSWER ONE DAY.
CU on Matt, typing.
MATT (V.O.)
Sbaitso’s responses were a mix of non-answers and answers that didn’t make any sense. So, while nobody in their right mind would’ve paid money for Dr. Sbaitso as an actual video game, I credit it with saving my life.
CUT TO:
MATT’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
MONTAGE:
Matt is lying back on his bed. CAMERA PUSH-IN.
DISSOLVE
Matt is looking out the window at the stars/moon.
MATT (V.O.)
You see, these were depressing times for me. The nights seemed longer and bleaker than ever, and each day seemed to be worse than the last.
CUT to Matt on the computer. CAMERA push-in from the side.
MATT (V.O.)
Sometimes, I tried to level with Dr. Sbaitso. I figured that he’d cut the bullshit and start talking to me for real if I made everything sound desperate and important enough. To be honest, I guess I was hoping more that God himself would somehow manifest and start talking through the white text on the screen.
CU on computer screen.
>What is the meaning of life?
I AM BORED, TELL ME SOMETHING MORE EXCITING.
CAMERA pulls back from Matt.
MATT (V.O.)
Of course, none of this worked. Sbaitso was still the same goofy idiot he always was, no matter what I told him. Nevertheless, no matter how ridiculous his responses were, I tried to take them as gospel, and I wracked my brain to conjure up some deep meaning behind his every statement.
CUT TO:
INT. MATT’S BEDROOM – DAY
CU on computer screen.
>Why are we here, on this earth?
WE ARE HERE.
CU on Matt’s face. A look of confusion.
BEAT.
WIDE SHOT. CAMERA pans from Matt to the open window.
MATT (V.O.)
I didn’t have the instruction manual and I didn’t know that computer programs weren’t magical things capable of supernatural feats. In my mind, there were no limitations to Dr. Sbaitso. I just had to stumble across the secret words and he would give me his undivided attention. Unfortunately, those words didn’t exist.
DISSOLVE TO:
MATT’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
CU on the keyboard, fingers pressing keys...
CAMERA pulls back.
MATT (V.O.)
Sometimes, I’d get on a roll. I’d get eight or nine decent responses from Sbaitso, and gain wrongful confidence that he and I had finally made some kind of connection.
CU on computer screen.
>Why do you think that is? 4
DO YOU LIKE MATH?
MATT (V.O.)
With my guard down, I’d make a typo, and type in a number by mistake, and Sbaitso would go right back to asking me if I liked math. Asshole.
CU on Matt, frustrated.
Back to the screen. Matt repeatedly types the words “fuck you” over and over again.
MATT (V.O.)
Whenever I got frustrated with Sbaitso’s lack of compassion for my important problems, I’d start cursing him out. It felt good. However, Sbaitso was NO advocate of bad language. Whenever such words were spoken, he’d warn you to knock it off. If you didn’t listen, he’d give you something called a “parity error”.
The computer makes a loud beeping sound, and dozens of lines of nonsensical characters flood the screen, followed by the words PARITY ERROR.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. MATT’S BEDROOM – DAY
CAMERA pans from the open window over to Matt at the computer.
MATT (V.O.)
Seems so stupid, but I managed to sit there for hours with Dr. Sbaitso. He was like a diary with entertainment value. I probably had more than 500 conversations with Dr. Sbaitso during my youth, and I’m pretty sure that each of them ultimately steered towards sex. At that age, I knew very little of the subject, and neither did Dr. Sbaitso.
CU on the computer screen.
>Sex.
AGAIN?
>Sex.
THERE IS AN EXTRA CHARGE FOR TALKING ABOUT THIS PROBLEM
>Sex.
ALWAYS REPEATING
>Sex.
REPHRASE YOURSELF PLEASE.
>Let’s talk about sex, baby.
DO YOU REALLY NEED TO TALK ABOUT SEX?
>I want to have sex.
SOMETIMES, I WANTED TO HAVE SEX, TOO.
>But you’re a computer. Computers can’t have sex.
DON’T YOU THINK COMPUTERS CAN HELP PEOPLE?
>Not if they can’t have sex.
TELL ME ABOUT YOUR OTHER INTERESTS.
>I enjoy eating baby heads.
WHY?
DISSOLVE TO:
CAMERA pans across Matt, staring at the screen.
MATT (V.O.)
Sbaitso never seemed to understand me, and I certainly didn’t understand him. But that didn’t stop me from asking questions. When I had nobody else to turn to, I sought the advice of the invisible man behind the screen.
(The looping of “Minuet in G” stops).
CUT TO:
INT. MATT’S BEDROOM – DAY
CAMERA pans over to Matt, at the computer.
CU on Matt.
CU on the keyboard, typing.
Then, CU on the screen.
>Why do you think that is?
YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT BY NOW.
BEAT. Matt looks at the screen. He stops, looks to the open window.
CUT to the window. Matt walks into frame. He looks outside, watching several kids talking.
MATT (V.O.)
Today, I have no complaints. I don’t have a bad word to say about Dr. Sbaitso. It sounds messed up, but the guy really did help me. Sure, he had no idea what I was talking about, but I got to vent my frustrations.
Matt walks away from the window. CAMERA pans to the window and focuses on it. Moments later, an OUT-OF-FOCUS figure (Matt) passes in front of the window outside.
MATT (V.O.)
If you were young and depressed and bad at everything when you were 16, Dr. Sbaitso was Prozac before Prozac was ok.
Start Bach’s “Minuet in G” again.
CAMERA pulls back slowly from the window...
END CREDITS START over this image.
THE END
I met an Oscar-nominee today...
Yeah, you heard that right.
I ran into Todd Field... people never really seem to look the same in real life, so I wasn't quite sure at first. But sure enough, it was him. Nice guy too. So I guess he still lives in this state.... crazy.
So, along with John Waters, those are the famous people I've met. Good times.
Yeah, you heard that right.
I ran into Todd Field... people never really seem to look the same in real life, so I wasn't quite sure at first. But sure enough, it was him. Nice guy too. So I guess he still lives in this state.... crazy.
So, along with John Waters, those are the famous people I've met. Good times.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
Thursday, March 29, 2007
I was watching an interview with Spike Lee today, and he was talking about the best films to be released so far in this decade, since the year 2000. I was very happy to see on his list Requiem for a Dream, Brokeback Mountain, and, somewhat surprisingly, Roger Dodger. Not "surprisingly" because it's a bad film - it's a great one - but because it's a little movie that hardly anyone remembers. Spike was mentioning how the screenplay was so great, that it was fun even just to read it, like a good book. I searched on the net real quick and found the script, and, since I won't post the entire thing on here, here's an excerpt. Great dialogue...
******************************
INT. RESTAURANT – DAY
Roger and Nick sit across from each other at a table.
ROGER
So, Nick... You need some help with the ladies?
CUT TO:
EXT. STREET – MAGIC HOUR
Roger and Nick walk down the street.
ROGER
All right. Here we go. Get this straight. Sex is everywhere, okay? It is all around us. It's not some distant destination. It's not Everest. It is right here. You have to attune yourself to it.
You have to bring yourself into alignment. You have to find the zone, Nick. Okay? Do that, and I promise you a whole world will open up. Look at me. I walk around in a state of total receptivity. I'm like a fucking lightning rod.
NICK
All right. Fine. What do I do?
ROGER
For starters, let's get rid of that little meditation. The blue triangle. We don't block things out, Nicholas. We let them in.
NICK
Let what in?
ROGER
There are millions of women in this city, Nick. Millions. Most of them are blessedly unaware of the countless ways...
in which their bodies are exposed to our eyes. So, first, learn to read the sun, where it sits.
You'll notice... correlation between backlighting and transparency. They wear light-colored clothing, underwear shows right through. Bra straps, panty lines. No need to stretch or squint. It is there for us, okay? For example—
A WOMAN passes by. Roger skillfully, subtly checks her out. Nick, on the other hand, stands there staring at her as she walks by. Roger looks at him.
NICK
What?
ROGER
Are you blowing my cover? Are you blowing my cover like some... construction worker?
NICK
No. I was just—
ROGER
Jesus Christ, Nick. Use your head. Step back. Let her pass. Okay? Give it a few seconds. Watch this, and then camouflage the move. Pay attention.
Roger once again skillfully checks out a woman as she passes by.
ROGER
Checking of the watch is good. Or of the pager. Or looking for a street sign like you're lost.
Or just now you saw me do a combination. Whatever it is, don't get caught. Do you think women have a clue what goes on up here?
What do they think, it's just stock quotes, drill bit sizes?
They don't know shit! Let's keep it that way.
NICK
All right.
ROGER
What about your eyes?
NICK
What? My eyes?
ROGER
Your eyes. How's your vision?
NICK
No, it's good. It's 20-20.
ROGER
Okay. Peripheral?
NICK
I don't know. It's fine, I guess.
ROGER
Fine's not gonna cut it, Nick.
You gotta work your muscles like you're training for the fucking Olympics.
NICK
Yeah.
ROGER
Up, down, left, right, et cetera. Here. Follow my finger.
NICK
Okay.
ROGER
Tell me when it's gone.
NICK
All right.
Roger moves his finger only a couple of inches away from Nick’s field of vision.
NICK
Okay. Stop.
ROGER
That's it? Nick, you need a hundred, a hundred and ten degrees...
before you're ready for the street. I see behind me on a good day. You play video games?
NICK
Sure.
ROGER
Good. That stuff is training for the eyes. Registering images in a split second. It's invaluable. Oh. Right there. Blue sweater. Blue sweater. Median. Blue sweater. Blue sweater...
Nick searches frantically for who he’s pointing at. He finally sees her just as she stands up.
ROGER
That young lady just-- And you missed it.
NICK
I know.
ROGER
In just a fraction of a second.
That's all. But a trained eye can get in there for a look. You have to learn to anticipate your opportunities, okay? Getting out of a cab, wind from a subway grate... or as you so sadly missed there, bending over to pick something up. These are situations which require lightning reflexes.
NICK
I tell you, I can do that.
ROGER
You're a step slow right now, Nick.
Hey, no wonder. I remember what it's like out there. No interaction. No face time. Look at me. Every day I have the street, the subway, the ATM line... the office, the gym--
What have you got? Young people sitting in cars in Ohio. Wistful glances at the stoplight....
NICK
No, I go to school. That's interaction.
ROGER
Okay. Let's work with that.
The high school building is four stories, if memory serves.
NICK
It's five stories now.
ROGER
Whatever. It's multistory, and that means stairs, which is good.
Free yourself from the tyranny of eye level. Come here. Use the angles. High for cleavage. Low for the skirts.
NICK
All right.
ROGER
Remember, there's no shame in calling on an old standby, right?
Dropping of the pencil. Tying of the shoe. Just don't telegraph it.
What about reflective surfaces? Mirrors, windows?
NICK
What, in school? No, there's no mirrors.
ROGER
What about that ugly glass trophy case?
NICK
Yeah, that's there.
ROGER
Well, use it. It's perfect.
Go stand over there for a second. Keep going. Keep going. Stop.
If you can't stare directly, turn your back and use the glass.
He waves at Nick’s reflection in the window.
ROGER
Hi, gorgeous. Remember, angle of incidence equals angle of reflectives. In other words, if you can see them, they can see you. So be alert.
NICK
This is really complicated.
ROGER
It's rocket science. You were smart to ask for help.
NICK
I have a good one. When they're wearing short sleeves...
and they raise their arms to fix their hair, you can see in that gap there.
ROGER
Now, see? That shows me you're using your faculties.
NICK
Don't they know we can see in there?
ROGER
Of course they do. Breasts are very sensitive. They know when they're exposed to air. Are women gonna walk around with their hands clamped to their sides? No.
Their hair has to be dealt with eventually, Nick. And it is our job, it is our vocation to be ready.
NICK
All right. So all this looking is fine, but how do you take the next step? I need to meet someone.
ROGER
If you can't see how the two things are related, Nick, there's nothing I can do for you.
Roger begins to walk away.
NICK
Wait. Relax. Come on.
ROGER
You think we are kidding around here? Do you think this is a joke?
NICK
No. Why do you think I'm here?
ROGER
You have got to make sex a presence... in your mind, in your life... in your spirit.
NICK
All right. I'm sorry.
ROGER
All right.
******************************
INT. RESTAURANT – DAY
Roger and Nick sit across from each other at a table.
ROGER
So, Nick... You need some help with the ladies?
CUT TO:
EXT. STREET – MAGIC HOUR
Roger and Nick walk down the street.
ROGER
All right. Here we go. Get this straight. Sex is everywhere, okay? It is all around us. It's not some distant destination. It's not Everest. It is right here. You have to attune yourself to it.
You have to bring yourself into alignment. You have to find the zone, Nick. Okay? Do that, and I promise you a whole world will open up. Look at me. I walk around in a state of total receptivity. I'm like a fucking lightning rod.
NICK
All right. Fine. What do I do?
ROGER
For starters, let's get rid of that little meditation. The blue triangle. We don't block things out, Nicholas. We let them in.
NICK
Let what in?
ROGER
There are millions of women in this city, Nick. Millions. Most of them are blessedly unaware of the countless ways...
in which their bodies are exposed to our eyes. So, first, learn to read the sun, where it sits.
You'll notice... correlation between backlighting and transparency. They wear light-colored clothing, underwear shows right through. Bra straps, panty lines. No need to stretch or squint. It is there for us, okay? For example—
A WOMAN passes by. Roger skillfully, subtly checks her out. Nick, on the other hand, stands there staring at her as she walks by. Roger looks at him.
NICK
What?
ROGER
Are you blowing my cover? Are you blowing my cover like some... construction worker?
NICK
No. I was just—
ROGER
Jesus Christ, Nick. Use your head. Step back. Let her pass. Okay? Give it a few seconds. Watch this, and then camouflage the move. Pay attention.
Roger once again skillfully checks out a woman as she passes by.
ROGER
Checking of the watch is good. Or of the pager. Or looking for a street sign like you're lost.
Or just now you saw me do a combination. Whatever it is, don't get caught. Do you think women have a clue what goes on up here?
What do they think, it's just stock quotes, drill bit sizes?
They don't know shit! Let's keep it that way.
NICK
All right.
ROGER
What about your eyes?
NICK
What? My eyes?
ROGER
Your eyes. How's your vision?
NICK
No, it's good. It's 20-20.
ROGER
Okay. Peripheral?
NICK
I don't know. It's fine, I guess.
ROGER
Fine's not gonna cut it, Nick.
You gotta work your muscles like you're training for the fucking Olympics.
NICK
Yeah.
ROGER
Up, down, left, right, et cetera. Here. Follow my finger.
NICK
Okay.
ROGER
Tell me when it's gone.
NICK
All right.
Roger moves his finger only a couple of inches away from Nick’s field of vision.
NICK
Okay. Stop.
ROGER
That's it? Nick, you need a hundred, a hundred and ten degrees...
before you're ready for the street. I see behind me on a good day. You play video games?
NICK
Sure.
ROGER
Good. That stuff is training for the eyes. Registering images in a split second. It's invaluable. Oh. Right there. Blue sweater. Blue sweater. Median. Blue sweater. Blue sweater...
Nick searches frantically for who he’s pointing at. He finally sees her just as she stands up.
ROGER
That young lady just-- And you missed it.
NICK
I know.
ROGER
In just a fraction of a second.
That's all. But a trained eye can get in there for a look. You have to learn to anticipate your opportunities, okay? Getting out of a cab, wind from a subway grate... or as you so sadly missed there, bending over to pick something up. These are situations which require lightning reflexes.
NICK
I tell you, I can do that.
ROGER
You're a step slow right now, Nick.
Hey, no wonder. I remember what it's like out there. No interaction. No face time. Look at me. Every day I have the street, the subway, the ATM line... the office, the gym--
What have you got? Young people sitting in cars in Ohio. Wistful glances at the stoplight....
NICK
No, I go to school. That's interaction.
ROGER
Okay. Let's work with that.
The high school building is four stories, if memory serves.
NICK
It's five stories now.
ROGER
Whatever. It's multistory, and that means stairs, which is good.
Free yourself from the tyranny of eye level. Come here. Use the angles. High for cleavage. Low for the skirts.
NICK
All right.
ROGER
Remember, there's no shame in calling on an old standby, right?
Dropping of the pencil. Tying of the shoe. Just don't telegraph it.
What about reflective surfaces? Mirrors, windows?
NICK
What, in school? No, there's no mirrors.
ROGER
What about that ugly glass trophy case?
NICK
Yeah, that's there.
ROGER
Well, use it. It's perfect.
Go stand over there for a second. Keep going. Keep going. Stop.
If you can't stare directly, turn your back and use the glass.
He waves at Nick’s reflection in the window.
ROGER
Hi, gorgeous. Remember, angle of incidence equals angle of reflectives. In other words, if you can see them, they can see you. So be alert.
NICK
This is really complicated.
ROGER
It's rocket science. You were smart to ask for help.
NICK
I have a good one. When they're wearing short sleeves...
and they raise their arms to fix their hair, you can see in that gap there.
ROGER
Now, see? That shows me you're using your faculties.
NICK
Don't they know we can see in there?
ROGER
Of course they do. Breasts are very sensitive. They know when they're exposed to air. Are women gonna walk around with their hands clamped to their sides? No.
Their hair has to be dealt with eventually, Nick. And it is our job, it is our vocation to be ready.
NICK
All right. So all this looking is fine, but how do you take the next step? I need to meet someone.
ROGER
If you can't see how the two things are related, Nick, there's nothing I can do for you.
Roger begins to walk away.
NICK
Wait. Relax. Come on.
ROGER
You think we are kidding around here? Do you think this is a joke?
NICK
No. Why do you think I'm here?
ROGER
You have got to make sex a presence... in your mind, in your life... in your spirit.
NICK
All right. I'm sorry.
ROGER
All right.
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
This is crazy... I was watching TV just now, and they had an interview with this guy, he started his own website, called Justin.tv -- Apparently, for some reason this guy has decided to wear a small video camera, attached to his baseball cap, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and broadcast the video on his site. I guess The Truman Show is now reality...
So anyways, I logged on to his site as the interview was taking place (on a live tv show) and, sure enough, there he was, giving the interview (from his POV). The interview ended, he talked with people backstage, and then he walked outside to his car, to find a parking ticket on his windshield. I stopped watching as he was driving in his car (it's not too exciting watching someone drive - from their point of view), but I dunno, this whole thing just struck me as insane and I felt compelled to report it on here. Check out the site, at your own risk - I didn't see anything graphic, but apparently he wears the thing ALL the time, even going to the bathroom, so if that's something you don't want to see, you probably shouldn't take the chance. You might log on and see a little surprise someday, who knows...
So anyways, I logged on to his site as the interview was taking place (on a live tv show) and, sure enough, there he was, giving the interview (from his POV). The interview ended, he talked with people backstage, and then he walked outside to his car, to find a parking ticket on his windshield. I stopped watching as he was driving in his car (it's not too exciting watching someone drive - from their point of view), but I dunno, this whole thing just struck me as insane and I felt compelled to report it on here. Check out the site, at your own risk - I didn't see anything graphic, but apparently he wears the thing ALL the time, even going to the bathroom, so if that's something you don't want to see, you probably shouldn't take the chance. You might log on and see a little surprise someday, who knows...
Thursday, March 22, 2007
I was right...it didn't take them (YouTube) long to delete the David O. Russell freakout video... here's the repost (for as long as it lasts) of the 2nd video from below:
Also, they deleted the short clip (2 minutes) I posted from Freaks and Geeks, and yet entire episodes still remain on YouTube... that site is going down in flames if they don't come up with some kind of compromise in terms of what kind of content is allowed...
Also, they deleted the short clip (2 minutes) I posted from Freaks and Geeks, and yet entire episodes still remain on YouTube... that site is going down in flames if they don't come up with some kind of compromise in terms of what kind of content is allowed...
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Came across something really interesting today...
People that know about director David O. Russell know that he has a reputation for going absolutely insane on the movie set, even going so far as to scream at the actors and crew and throw things around and sometimes even physically assaulting people (there was an infamous incident back in 1999 where he and George Clooney almost got into a fistfight).
Well, things were apparently no different on the set of his 2004 film I ♥ Huckabees, where Russell repeatedly freaked out on-set. This brief explanation gives you the gist of it, but the real reason I'm posting this up is because of what lies below: Two video clips of the actual on-set craziness... This is really rare, I tell ya... you hear stories about this sort of stuff happening, but you never get to see it. Well, here's some leaked on-set production video... enjoy it before somebody's lawyers get pissed and take it down:
You get the feeling from the clips that Lili Tomlin may be marginally insane, but it's hard to tell how far Russell has actually pushed her before we see her on-camera outbursts. On the other hand, she was in 3 Altman movies, and he was known for not putting up with any shit (i.e. with Warren Beatty in McCabe & Mrs. Miller), so I get the feeling that Russell had just pushed her over the edge... But in any case, she had already been in a Russell film, 1996's Flirting with Disaster, and if he was that nuts, why would you work with him again? Maybe he's just become insane fairly recently?...
People that know about director David O. Russell know that he has a reputation for going absolutely insane on the movie set, even going so far as to scream at the actors and crew and throw things around and sometimes even physically assaulting people (there was an infamous incident back in 1999 where he and George Clooney almost got into a fistfight).
Well, things were apparently no different on the set of his 2004 film I ♥ Huckabees, where Russell repeatedly freaked out on-set. This brief explanation gives you the gist of it, but the real reason I'm posting this up is because of what lies below: Two video clips of the actual on-set craziness... This is really rare, I tell ya... you hear stories about this sort of stuff happening, but you never get to see it. Well, here's some leaked on-set production video... enjoy it before somebody's lawyers get pissed and take it down:
You get the feeling from the clips that Lili Tomlin may be marginally insane, but it's hard to tell how far Russell has actually pushed her before we see her on-camera outbursts. On the other hand, she was in 3 Altman movies, and he was known for not putting up with any shit (i.e. with Warren Beatty in McCabe & Mrs. Miller), so I get the feeling that Russell had just pushed her over the edge... But in any case, she had already been in a Russell film, 1996's Flirting with Disaster, and if he was that nuts, why would you work with him again? Maybe he's just become insane fairly recently?...
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Thursday, March 15, 2007
You don't want to "over-watch" something, so I sometimes purposefully refrain from watching certain things for months at a time, only to revisit it at a later date (often - however unintentional it may be - in marathon-like sittings of several hours at a time). Such as it was I decided to turn on Freaks and Geeks tonight... God damn, this show never gets old...
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
I downloaded Zodiac tonight, so I could watch it again, and I've got to say... it's really early to be saying this, as the movie year's just started (and movies released this early almost always get forgotten by December) but I'd like to put in an early (hopeful) prediction for Robert Downey Jr. as Best Supporting Actor for next year... he completely stole the show in this picture.
Saturday, March 03, 2007
I found an old box the other day, and in it I discovered, on several videotapes, the entire series of American High. It was on TV in 2000 on Fox, canceled after 4 episodes, and then re-aired on PBS in its entirety later that year (which is how I was able to record the entire series). It was quite an interesting experience to watch it again, since I first saw it during my freshman year: It borders on the melodramatic at times, but, after all, that's quite a melodramatic point in your life. Overall, it's a great examination of high school life. While it bills itself as following 14 kids (for a year), it really concentrates on about 6 or 7 in detail (even that's a large task, for only thirteen 30-minute episodes). A large amount of then-current music was used in the show, so it's doubtful it will ever be released on DVD. Watch a 3.5 minute trailer here.
Monday, February 26, 2007
Just a quick word on the Oscars...
No real surprises (well, except for Best Picture... but a great surprise nonetheless...)
I briefly switched on the telecast for the Director award... and while it was great to see Scorsese win, I was a little surprised that, for all the years he's been waiting for this, he basically just read off a list of names...
And on a final note, we all like to see good, decent people receive something... enter Forest Whitaker. While a quick viewing of his acceptance speech shows he's a great guy, I'd like to relay this short story that quickly came to my mind when I saw that he won and frantically turned on the TV to view his speech: Amy Heckerling once told a story about Forest's audition for Fast Times at Ridgemont High - his first role, which was just one line. After he auditioned, he found out he got the role, and he left to go to his car. Heckerling watched him out the window... thinking that no one was watching, he happily skipped to his car, thrilled to have his first movie role. Now he has an Oscar. Doesn't that just put a smile on your face?
No real surprises (well, except for Best Picture... but a great surprise nonetheless...)
I briefly switched on the telecast for the Director award... and while it was great to see Scorsese win, I was a little surprised that, for all the years he's been waiting for this, he basically just read off a list of names...
And on a final note, we all like to see good, decent people receive something... enter Forest Whitaker. While a quick viewing of his acceptance speech shows he's a great guy, I'd like to relay this short story that quickly came to my mind when I saw that he won and frantically turned on the TV to view his speech: Amy Heckerling once told a story about Forest's audition for Fast Times at Ridgemont High - his first role, which was just one line. After he auditioned, he found out he got the role, and he left to go to his car. Heckerling watched him out the window... thinking that no one was watching, he happily skipped to his car, thrilled to have his first movie role. Now he has an Oscar. Doesn't that just put a smile on your face?
Thursday, February 22, 2007
The best films of 2006, in order
(To qualify, the movie must have had its U.S. premiere sometime in 2006. If a movie premieres at a film festival in 2005, and then opens in the U.S. in 2006, it will be counted as a 2006 release).
- United 93
- When the Levees Broke: A Requiem in Four Acts
- A Prairie Home Companion
- Babel
- The Departed
- Dave Chappelle's Block Party
- The Pursuit of Happyness
- Half Nelson
- The Last King of Scotland
- Notes on a Scandal
- A Scanner Darkly
- World Trade Center
- The Illusionist
- Little Children
- The Queen
- Little Miss Sunshine
- Pan's Labyrinth
- Borat
- Idiocracy
- Inside Man
- Marie Antoinette
- The Dead Girl
- An Inconvenient Truth
- Jesus Camp
- Brick
- Children of Men
- Flags of Our Fathers
- Letters from Iwo Jima
- Hollywoodland
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
I finally sat down tonight and downloaded the entire Freaks and Geeks soundtrack... not the lame "official" 1-disc soundtrack available for purchase (which is mostly made up of score, not songs), but rather every single song that appeared in the show. It took me forever to do, but it stretches across 5 CDs, and it contains 86 songs - every song from the show (except for a couple of disco songs from the last episode, which I decided not to include), in roughly the order in which they appeared. Great music on that show - it has just about everything: great classic rock, cheesy pop, some country-rock, and even some punk near the end of the show's run. Complete list below:
- Joan Jett - Bad Reputation
- Van Halen - Running With the Devil
- Kenny Loggins - I'm Alright
- Styx - Renegade
- Styx - Come Sail Away
- Deep Purple - Hush
- Doobie Brothers - Jesus is Just Alright
- Rick Derringer - Rock and Roll, Hoochie Koo
- Santana - No One to Depend On
- Van Halen - Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Love
- Janis Joplin - Maybe
- Kiss - Do You Love Me
- Cheap Trick - Gonna Raise Hell
- April Wine - Roller
- Ted Nugent - Free For All
- Van Halen - Jamie's Crying
- Van Halen - Ice Cream Man
- Little River Band - Reminiscing
- BTO - Taking Care of Business
- Curtis Mayfield - Superfly
- Love Unlimited Orchestra - Love's Theme
- Van Halen - Little Dreamer
- The Faces - Debris
- Rush - The Spirit of Radio
- Cream - Sunshine of Your Love
- Cream - Crossroads
- Cream - White Room
- Madness - One Step Beyond
- Billy Joel - C'etait Toi (You Were The One)
- Billy Joel - Rosalinda's Eyes
- Billy Joel - Don't Ask Me Why
- Brothers Johnson - Stomp
- Alice Cooper - I'm Eighteen
- Allman Brothers Band - Whipping Post
- Journey - Loving, Touching, Squeezing
- Moody Blues - Nights in White Satin
- Styx - Lady
- Kansas - Dust in the Wind
- Queen - Keep Yourself Alive
- Van Halen - Everybody Wants Some
- Ted Nugent - Stranglehold
- Joan Jett - Do Ya Wanna Touch Me
- The Who - The Song is Over
- Ted Nugent and Amboy Dukes - Journey to the Center of Your Mind
- XTC - No Language in Our Lungs
- Joe Jackson - I'm the Man
- Joe Jackson - Look Sharp
- The Who - Slip Kid
- J. Geils Band - Flamethrower
- Supertramp - Take The Long Way Home
- Chicago - 25 or 6 to 4
- Bob Seger - Beautiful Loser
- The Cars - Let The Good Times Roll
- Emerson, Lake, and Palmer - Karn Evil 9
- Charlie Daniels Band - The Devil Went Down to Georgia
- Pure Prairie League - Amie
- Lynard Skynard - Free Bird
- Boston - Smokin'
- Queen - Fat Bottomed Girls
- Blood, Sweat and Tears - Hi-De-Ho
- Jethro Tull - Aqualung
- George Baker Selection - Little Green Bag
- Mac Davis - Baby Don't Get Hooked on Me
- The Who - I'm Free
- The Who - I'm One
- The Who - Boris The Spider
- The Who - Love Reign O'er Me
- The Who - Squeeze Box
- The Who - Going Mobile
- The Who - Drowned
- Seals And Crofts - Summer Breeze
- Black Flag - Rise Above
- Diesel Boy - Lime Green
- Diesel Boy - Happy Street
- Diesel Boy - Punk Rock 101
- Dean Martin - You're Nobody 'Till Somebody Loves You
- Rush - Tom Sawyer
- Bob Seger - Katmandu
- Bob Seger - You'll Accomp'ny Me
- Warren Zevon - Poor Poor Pitiful Me
- David Bowie - Fashion
- Jackson Browne - The Road
- Foxy - Hot Number
- Heatwave - The Groove Line
- Grateful Dead - Box of Rain
- Grateful Dead - Ripple
Sunday, February 18, 2007
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
I don't watch Oprah, but I was flipping through the channels today and caught like the last 10 seconds of it... and I noticed that John Travolta, William H. Macy, Tim Allen and Martin Lawrence were all sitting on the couch together... and my first thought, obviously, was "what the hell?"... Strange group of people to all be sitting together, for sure. A little internet research revealed that they're starring together in some lame upcoming movie called Wild Hogs. Who would really sign on to something like that?...
Sunday, February 04, 2007
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