Two PTA-related clips...
First of all, here's an old interview with Ernie Anderson, Paul's father, back in 1978. He was a TV announcer for ABC (as in "Up next - The L-o-o-o-o-ove Boat!"), but the most important part of the clip? At the 5:50 mark (aka 1:52 remaining), you can see a young PTA (age 8) in a white shirt and tie, pool cue in hand. Interesting.
And finally (and most importantly) here's an early trailer for Paul's next film, There Will Be Blood:
Saturday, June 23, 2007
Friday, June 22, 2007
Here's the clip from Sicko, once again:
Click here
YouTube can kiss my ass.
And also, if this time Google Video decides to take it down, you will see it here in the future in some other form...
Click here
YouTube can kiss my ass.
And also, if this time Google Video decides to take it down, you will see it here in the future in some other form...
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Watched Sicko this morning (and yes, it's not being released for another two weeks, but it's no secret that it's available on the net right now...)
So, a clip for your enjoyment:
EDIT: 6:00 PM, 6/21 - YouTube has taken the clip down, so sometime tonight I'll upload a clip to my personal webspace.
So, a clip for your enjoyment:
EDIT: 6:00 PM, 6/21 - YouTube has taken the clip down, so sometime tonight I'll upload a clip to my personal webspace.
Sunday, June 10, 2007
My thoughts on "The Sopranos" finale
The 'Net will be a-buzzin' tomorrow, so I figured I'd throw my hat in the ring:
First of all, if you haven't seen the episode, and you want to be surprised, read no further...
Now that we've gotten that over with, I guess I can begin. This may seem a little roundabout, but trust me, I eventually get to a point...
Back when the film 2001: A Space Odyssey was released, a reporter (who obviously wasn't a fan of the film) asked Kubrick (and I'm paraphrasing): "There are lots of long, slow takes of things moving in space, set to music, that last for several minutes at a time. Honestly, I was bored. Why on earth would you put something like this in a film?" Kubrick's response: "Because I can."
The medium of film has had a long history of what I like to call "fucking with the audience" - basically putting whatever one desires in a film, and not thinking of the potential viewers so much as just simply fulfilling one's personal artistic goal, others opinions be damned. When this fails, it's catastrophe. When it succeeds, it's a bold artistic statement. What does this have to do with the final episode of The Sopranos? Simply this: In perhaps the most anticipated finale in modern TV history, the last image the viewer sees at the end of an unresolved chain of events is a ten-second long black screen. David Chase has probably the biggest balls I've ever seen.
Chase has made a bold artistic statement, and, without doubt, he's going to catch a lot of flack for it, for years to come. Even as I watched these final unexpected seconds, I felt the way most viewers probably did: I was first immensely surprised, and then felt a little cheated. Eventually, as I sat and re-visited the chain of events in my head, I realized how perfect the finale really was. A series which had become popular in its earlier seasons for its mix of entertaining spurts of violence and personal family drama, The Sopranos had become criticized by fans in its final season for becoming overly character-driven and dialogue-heavy, and this final episode was just the cherry on top of this very different season. To do anything else would have been a cop-out. This past season was the equivalent of a monologue at the end of a film or a soliloquy at the end of a Shakespeare play. Drawn out to full-season length, I can understand why some people were irritated with strong feelings of anticipation. The final few seconds seemed to be a buildup to a murder, but with bookies in Vegas giving 20-to-1 odds that Tony would get killed, would you give the public what they wanted, or would you take the high road, giving them something to think about instead?
What do you do when you're the most successful television show of the last ten years? You do what you want.
First of all, if you haven't seen the episode, and you want to be surprised, read no further...
Now that we've gotten that over with, I guess I can begin. This may seem a little roundabout, but trust me, I eventually get to a point...
Back when the film 2001: A Space Odyssey was released, a reporter (who obviously wasn't a fan of the film) asked Kubrick (and I'm paraphrasing): "There are lots of long, slow takes of things moving in space, set to music, that last for several minutes at a time. Honestly, I was bored. Why on earth would you put something like this in a film?" Kubrick's response: "Because I can."
The medium of film has had a long history of what I like to call "fucking with the audience" - basically putting whatever one desires in a film, and not thinking of the potential viewers so much as just simply fulfilling one's personal artistic goal, others opinions be damned. When this fails, it's catastrophe. When it succeeds, it's a bold artistic statement. What does this have to do with the final episode of The Sopranos? Simply this: In perhaps the most anticipated finale in modern TV history, the last image the viewer sees at the end of an unresolved chain of events is a ten-second long black screen. David Chase has probably the biggest balls I've ever seen.
Chase has made a bold artistic statement, and, without doubt, he's going to catch a lot of flack for it, for years to come. Even as I watched these final unexpected seconds, I felt the way most viewers probably did: I was first immensely surprised, and then felt a little cheated. Eventually, as I sat and re-visited the chain of events in my head, I realized how perfect the finale really was. A series which had become popular in its earlier seasons for its mix of entertaining spurts of violence and personal family drama, The Sopranos had become criticized by fans in its final season for becoming overly character-driven and dialogue-heavy, and this final episode was just the cherry on top of this very different season. To do anything else would have been a cop-out. This past season was the equivalent of a monologue at the end of a film or a soliloquy at the end of a Shakespeare play. Drawn out to full-season length, I can understand why some people were irritated with strong feelings of anticipation. The final few seconds seemed to be a buildup to a murder, but with bookies in Vegas giving 20-to-1 odds that Tony would get killed, would you give the public what they wanted, or would you take the high road, giving them something to think about instead?
What do you do when you're the most successful television show of the last ten years? You do what you want.
Thursday, June 07, 2007
Script excerpt from "A Simple Choice"
EXT. OPEN FIELD – DAY
A group of dozens of mourners sit in folding chairs, set up in rows in an open, grass field. A makeshift stage has been set up at the front, on which Brian is standing.
BRIAN
Nokia was not a gay man, but he cared about us, and he cared about our cause. He tried to help us. He tried to help his friends. He had no ego. Not a selfish bone in his body. He was a straight man who counted gay men among his best friends. That, in itself, is a wonderful and extraordinary thing. If more people could be like Nokia, and accept people’s differences, we’d be living in a much happier world. I’d like to read something now. At the funeral, his mother gave me this book. It’s his journal. I asked her if I could read something, and she accepted. She’s in the audience now. Mrs. Cowan, please stand up.
A WOMAN stands up, and a huge, thunderous applause rises from the crowd. The sound dissipates, and Brian goes on:
BRIAN
This is a poem, dated exactly one year ago today. I doubt he imagined a year ago that we’d all be standing here, doing this... But in that year, he accomplished something great. And with that said, I now read to you something he wrote, entitled, “This Afternoon”...
During the reading of the poem, the camera focuses on small groups of the crowd at once, cutting every few seconds.
BRIAN
“I want a girl with red hair, and a personality to match
Who smells of suntan lotion and burnt perfume
On long lazy afternoons,
On long, sleepless nights,
On curving roads that stretched into the haze
My only friend was the sky.
Turn the music up... loud, loud, loud...
For all the days
For all the nights
For all the words that flowed right through me
Like little bumps in the road.”
A group of dozens of mourners sit in folding chairs, set up in rows in an open, grass field. A makeshift stage has been set up at the front, on which Brian is standing.
BRIAN
Nokia was not a gay man, but he cared about us, and he cared about our cause. He tried to help us. He tried to help his friends. He had no ego. Not a selfish bone in his body. He was a straight man who counted gay men among his best friends. That, in itself, is a wonderful and extraordinary thing. If more people could be like Nokia, and accept people’s differences, we’d be living in a much happier world. I’d like to read something now. At the funeral, his mother gave me this book. It’s his journal. I asked her if I could read something, and she accepted. She’s in the audience now. Mrs. Cowan, please stand up.
A WOMAN stands up, and a huge, thunderous applause rises from the crowd. The sound dissipates, and Brian goes on:
BRIAN
This is a poem, dated exactly one year ago today. I doubt he imagined a year ago that we’d all be standing here, doing this... But in that year, he accomplished something great. And with that said, I now read to you something he wrote, entitled, “This Afternoon”...
During the reading of the poem, the camera focuses on small groups of the crowd at once, cutting every few seconds.
BRIAN
“I want a girl with red hair, and a personality to match
Who smells of suntan lotion and burnt perfume
On long lazy afternoons,
On long, sleepless nights,
On curving roads that stretched into the haze
My only friend was the sky.
Turn the music up... loud, loud, loud...
For all the days
For all the nights
For all the words that flowed right through me
Like little bumps in the road.”
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
Loveline
Seeing as I've downloaded a whole shitload of Loveline episodes lately (about 1500 hours worth), here's a few clips:
Clip 1
A fan called up and basically made dozens of in-joke references to the show, stretching back at least the past five years. To the uninitiated, the following will make no sense whatsoever. In my case, I understood everything he said. Yes, I listen to this show way too much.
Clip 2
Clip 3
Monday, June 04, 2007
Friday, June 01, 2007
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Movie music quiz
I was bored tonight, so I took a few minutes and did this...
Below there are 8 clips of film music scores - try and guess which movie each is from. Some are pretty obvious, others are more obscure.
Below there are 8 clips of film music scores - try and guess which movie each is from. Some are pretty obvious, others are more obscure.
Some hints:
- The movies range from the years 1975-2001
- Four of the clips are John Williams scores (and three of those are Spielberg movies)
Click here to open the comment box in another window, so you can listen and answer at the same time.
Friday, May 18, 2007
Recently, I downloaded the Almost Famous soundtrack...
Like the Freaks and Geeks soundtrack, I took the route of downloading all of the music from the film, song by song, instead of the official soundtrack, which contains a minimal amount of music from the production. In both cases, it was well worth it.
What follows is a list of every song in the film, in order (based on Crowe's original screenplay - thus, that's why Stairway is on there, even though it's not in the film):
Like the Freaks and Geeks soundtrack, I took the route of downloading all of the music from the film, song by song, instead of the official soundtrack, which contains a minimal amount of music from the production. In both cases, it was well worth it.
What follows is a list of every song in the film, in order (based on Crowe's original screenplay - thus, that's why Stairway is on there, even though it's not in the film):
- Brenton Wood - The Oogum Boogum Song
- Simon and Garfunkel - America
- The Who - Sparks
- The Stooges - Search and Destroy
- Todd Rundgren - It Wouldn't Have Made Any Difference
- Black Sabbath - Paranoid
- Jethro Tull - Teacher
- Yes - I've Seen All Good People: Your Move
- The Beach Boys - Feel Flows
- Joni Mitchell - River
- Black Sabbath - Sweet Leaf
- Rod Stewart - Every Picture Tells A Story
- Pete Droge - Small Time Blues
- Thunderclap Newman - Something in the Air
- Little Feat - Easy to Slip
- The Raspberries - Go All The Way
- The Seeds - Mr. Farmer
- Led Zeppelin - Stairway To Heaven
- The Allman Brothers Band - One Way Out (Live)
- The Guess Who - Albert Flasher
- Lynyrd Skynyrd - Simple Man
- Led Zeppelin - That's the Way
- Neil Young - Everybody Knows This Is Nowhere
- Fleetwood Mac - Future Games
- Deep Purple - Burn
- Blodwyn Pig - Dear Jill
- Elton John - Tiny Dancer
- MC5 - Looking At You
- Steely Dan - Reeling In The Years
- David Bowie - I'm Waiting For the Man (Live)
- Cat Stevens - The Wind
- The Jimi Hendrix Experience - Voodoo Child (Slight Return)
- Clarence Carter - Slip Away
- Led Zeppelin - Misty Mountain Hop
- Free - Wishing Well
- Elton John - Mona Lisa and Mad Hatters
- Chicago - Colour My World
- Stevie Wonder - My Cherie Amour
- Neil Young - Cortez The Killer
- Led Zeppelin - Bron-Yr-Aur
- Led Zeppelin - The Rain Song
- Led Zeppelin - Tangerine
- The Beach Boys - Feel Flows
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Great news today (well, for me at least)...
A few months ago, I was in the middle of downloading ALL of the Adam Carolla-era Loveline shows from this site. Unfortunately, it was shut down before I could finish downloading.
Today, a torrent was put up which contains ALL of the shows! For those interested, click here (At-work warning: the site, TorrentSpy, sometimes contains explicit ads).
It's going to be a big download (over 44 gigs of shows), but well worth it.
A few months ago, I was in the middle of downloading ALL of the Adam Carolla-era Loveline shows from this site. Unfortunately, it was shut down before I could finish downloading.
Today, a torrent was put up which contains ALL of the shows! For those interested, click here (At-work warning: the site, TorrentSpy, sometimes contains explicit ads).
It's going to be a big download (over 44 gigs of shows), but well worth it.
Monday, May 14, 2007
Just wanted to point out that we're not even into the summer movie season yet (which officially starts on Memorial Day weekend) and we've actually had some great films so far this year.
Usually the studios dump their crap into theaters between February and May, release their big blockbusters between June and August, lots of terrible horror movies are released between September and October, and then the awards season releases begin in November and end in January (where small films then open in wide release).
Well, we're in the middle of May, and so far this year we've had the unusual pleasure of seeing movies like Grindhouse, The Lookout, Zodiac (which is no less than a masterpiece), The Hoax, Waitress, and 28 Weeks Later. And even better, in the weeks ahead we have Knocked Up (Judd Apatow's new movie; June 1st), Fay Grim, Once, The Wendell Baker Story (all May 18th), The Golden Door, Ten Canoes (both May 25th), Rescue Dawn (July 4th), and many, many more smaller films. And that's just the next couple of months. Hopefully this means a good year for movies.
Usually the studios dump their crap into theaters between February and May, release their big blockbusters between June and August, lots of terrible horror movies are released between September and October, and then the awards season releases begin in November and end in January (where small films then open in wide release).
Well, we're in the middle of May, and so far this year we've had the unusual pleasure of seeing movies like Grindhouse, The Lookout, Zodiac (which is no less than a masterpiece), The Hoax, Waitress, and 28 Weeks Later. And even better, in the weeks ahead we have Knocked Up (Judd Apatow's new movie; June 1st), Fay Grim, Once, The Wendell Baker Story (all May 18th), The Golden Door, Ten Canoes (both May 25th), Rescue Dawn (July 4th), and many, many more smaller films. And that's just the next couple of months. Hopefully this means a good year for movies.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Saw The Wind That Shakes the Barley last night. Good film, and definitely deserving of its Palme d'Or win. One complaint, however. When are filmmakers going to realize that when a film features people talking with a thick, heavy accent, that presenting the film with subtitles would be extremely helpful! I was able to make out most of the dialogue in this film, but there are several passages in the movie - especially when people are whispering - where several minutes go by without a clue as to what people are saying. That said, things get much easier to understand as the film goes on and you get more used to the thick Irish accents. The situation is not nearly as bad as Ken Loach's previous film Sweet Sixteen, where it is utterly impossible to understand the dialogue through the amazingly thick Scottish accents of the actors. Hotel Rwanda is another example of a film that would have benefited immensely from subtitles. Keep in mind, the films mentioned have subtitles on their DVD releases, but were released in theaters without them. I know, it's real movie-geek stuff here, but even just on a basic level, it just baffles my mind that a director wouldn't want to make sure that all viewers were able to understand every line of dialogue. (A funny side-note: Without going into too much detail and giving anything away, the emotional impact of The Wind That Shakes the Barley's ending depends on you having correctly heard a dialogue exchange about halfway through the movie. I was able to discern it, but I'm not sure how many others did.)
Monday, May 07, 2007
Tonight I checked out (i.e., downloaded) the new Elliott Smith album, "New Moon", which is due out in stores tomorrow. It is a collection of rarities and unreleased material he recorded before his death.
A couple of gripes about this release: First of all, the album is being released on 2 CDs, but all of the material quite easily fits on one CD, with time to spare. The only reason I can see for this is to make some extra money by selling a 2-CD release, therefore upping the price tag, as most double-disc albums cost more. I know most of the money from this album is going to charity, but it still seems a little low to me. Second, there is still quite a bit of unreleased Smith material that is not on this album. I have most of it from bootlegs, but it still would be nice to have it in decent quality. Anyways, it's nice to now be able to hear "High Times" and "New Monkey" without it being all garbled and shit.
A couple of gripes about this release: First of all, the album is being released on 2 CDs, but all of the material quite easily fits on one CD, with time to spare. The only reason I can see for this is to make some extra money by selling a 2-CD release, therefore upping the price tag, as most double-disc albums cost more. I know most of the money from this album is going to charity, but it still seems a little low to me. Second, there is still quite a bit of unreleased Smith material that is not on this album. I have most of it from bootlegs, but it still would be nice to have it in decent quality. Anyways, it's nice to now be able to hear "High Times" and "New Monkey" without it being all garbled and shit.
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Hey Matt! Thanks for the comment on the last post... glad to hear you liked the script. I tried to pay tribute to your brilliant article, which was both funny and amazingly poignant. For those of you that don't know, Matt is the person behind X-Entertainment.com, a wonderful site that focuses not just on nostalgia, but, well, just about everything you can think of... Visit it. Read it. Love it.
Anyways, I'll try to keep everyone posted on the development of the short...
Anyways, I'll try to keep everyone posted on the development of the short...
Saturday, April 14, 2007
Someone brought to my attention a short film festival taking place in July... I think I'm going to attempt to get something finshed for it... Here's the latest draft of what will probably end up being the short:
"DR. SBAITSO"
Screenplay By
Andrew Leavitt
Based on an article by
Matt Caracappa
TITLES OVER BLACK
CUT IN:
EXT. BACKYARD - DAY
Kids are playing, laughing, etc. in the backyard next door. CAMERA then pans to the left, revealing MATT watching them from a window. Matt leaves the window.
CUT TO:
INT. MATT’S BEDROOM – THAT MOMENT
Matt walks to the other side of the room, and lies on his back, on his bed. CAMERA then goes to an OVERHEAD view, as Matt looks up towards the ceiling. Cut to his POV, as we see the curtain above him blowing in the open window.
MATT (V.O.)
There was a period of my life when I didn’t have many friends.
(Start Bach’s “Minuet in G" - song loops continuously)
CUT TO:
INT. BATHROOM - DAY
Matt is looking in the mirror, looking at himself and fixing his hair, etc. Shot ends with him simply looking at himself.
MATT (V.O.)
As a teenager, I was awkward, nervous, and impossibly uncool. The strange thing is, I don’t really regret it. When you have nothing and no one, you tend to appreciate things a little bit more.
CUT TO:
INT. MATT’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Matt is sitting at the computer. CAMERA DOLLIES RIGHT...
MATT (V.O.)
There was one thing, however, which helped me through the tough times of being a total recluse. It was Dr. Sbaitso.
CU on the computer screen (we also hear the Sbaitso “voice” coming through the speakers):
HELLO MATT, MY NAME IS DOCTOR SBAITSO.
I AM HERE TO HELP YOU.
SO, TELL ME ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS.
CU on Matt, thinking. CU on the keyboard as he begins typing. Then back to the screen:
>I have no friends.
ARE YOU SURE YOU HAVE ANY FRIENDS?
>No, like I said, I DON’T have any friends.
THAT’S NOT MY PROBLEM.
CUT to WIDE SHOT. Matt’s at the computer. DOLLY left.
MATT (V.O.)
Ah, Doctor Sbaitso... I spent countless nights chatting it up with the good doctor. The program was a little game that came with my computer. Dr. Sbaitso was meant to be a sort of virtual “psychiatrist”, talking through text on the screen and a horrendous voice coming through the speakers.
CU on computer screen.
>Look, I need help making friends.
PERHAPS YOUR LOVE FOR FRIENDS WORRIES YOU.
>It does. Maybe you could be my friend?
YOU DON’T SEEM TO BE CERTAIN.
CU on Matt’s face, as he types.
MATT (V.O.)
You would think it had some sort of artificial intelligence, but it really didn’t. He couldn’t understand a thing. All of his responses were basically rephrasings of whatever you said.
WIDE SHOT of Matt, at the computer. CAMERA pushes in.
MATT (V.O.)
I didn’t know any better, and so I used to sit up all night trying to get this computer game to solve all of life’s problems.
CU on computer screen.
>I’m all alone. Nobody likes me.
DO YOU BELIEVE IT IS NORMAL TO BE ALL ALONE NOBODY LIKES ME?
>I wish people didn’t hate me.
WHY EXPRESS THIS STRONG EMOTION. IT’S NOT GOOD FOR YOU.
>It’s true, people can’t stand the sight of me.
I AM BORED, TELL ME SOMETHING MORE EXCITING.
>Well you’re a big help.
ONE MUST BE CRAZY TO EXPECT HELP FROM ME.
>Can’t you tell me how to make friends?
I’LL HAVE TO RESEARCH THAT ONE.
>How long will it take?
KEEP ASKING, YOU WILL FIND THE ANSWER ONE DAY.
CU on Matt, typing.
MATT (V.O.)
Sbaitso’s responses were a mix of non-answers and answers that didn’t make any sense. So, while nobody in their right mind would’ve paid money for Dr. Sbaitso as an actual video game, I credit it with saving my life.
CUT TO:
MATT’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
MONTAGE:
Matt is lying back on his bed. CAMERA PUSH-IN.
DISSOLVE
Matt is looking out the window at the stars/moon.
MATT (V.O.)
You see, these were depressing times for me. The nights seemed longer and bleaker than ever, and each day seemed to be worse than the last.
CUT to Matt on the computer. CAMERA push-in from the side.
MATT (V.O.)
Sometimes, I tried to level with Dr. Sbaitso. I figured that he’d cut the bullshit and start talking to me for real if I made everything sound desperate and important enough. To be honest, I guess I was hoping more that God himself would somehow manifest and start talking through the white text on the screen.
CU on computer screen.
>What is the meaning of life?
I AM BORED, TELL ME SOMETHING MORE EXCITING.
CAMERA pulls back from Matt.
MATT (V.O.)
Of course, none of this worked. Sbaitso was still the same goofy idiot he always was, no matter what I told him. Nevertheless, no matter how ridiculous his responses were, I tried to take them as gospel, and I wracked my brain to conjure up some deep meaning behind his every statement.
CUT TO:
INT. MATT’S BEDROOM – DAY
CU on computer screen.
>Why are we here, on this earth?
WE ARE HERE.
CU on Matt’s face. A look of confusion.
BEAT.
WIDE SHOT. CAMERA pans from Matt to the open window.
MATT (V.O.)
I didn’t have the instruction manual and I didn’t know that computer programs weren’t magical things capable of supernatural feats. In my mind, there were no limitations to Dr. Sbaitso. I just had to stumble across the secret words and he would give me his undivided attention. Unfortunately, those words didn’t exist.
DISSOLVE TO:
MATT’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
CU on the keyboard, fingers pressing keys...
CAMERA pulls back.
MATT (V.O.)
Sometimes, I’d get on a roll. I’d get eight or nine decent responses from Sbaitso, and gain wrongful confidence that he and I had finally made some kind of connection.
CU on computer screen.
>Why do you think that is? 4
DO YOU LIKE MATH?
MATT (V.O.)
With my guard down, I’d make a typo, and type in a number by mistake, and Sbaitso would go right back to asking me if I liked math. Asshole.
CU on Matt, frustrated.
Back to the screen. Matt repeatedly types the words “fuck you” over and over again.
MATT (V.O.)
Whenever I got frustrated with Sbaitso’s lack of compassion for my important problems, I’d start cursing him out. It felt good. However, Sbaitso was NO advocate of bad language. Whenever such words were spoken, he’d warn you to knock it off. If you didn’t listen, he’d give you something called a “parity error”.
The computer makes a loud beeping sound, and dozens of lines of nonsensical characters flood the screen, followed by the words PARITY ERROR.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. MATT’S BEDROOM – DAY
CAMERA pans from the open window over to Matt at the computer.
MATT (V.O.)
Seems so stupid, but I managed to sit there for hours with Dr. Sbaitso. He was like a diary with entertainment value. I probably had more than 500 conversations with Dr. Sbaitso during my youth, and I’m pretty sure that each of them ultimately steered towards sex. At that age, I knew very little of the subject, and neither did Dr. Sbaitso.
CU on the computer screen.
>Sex.
AGAIN?
>Sex.
THERE IS AN EXTRA CHARGE FOR TALKING ABOUT THIS PROBLEM
>Sex.
ALWAYS REPEATING
>Sex.
REPHRASE YOURSELF PLEASE.
>Let’s talk about sex, baby.
DO YOU REALLY NEED TO TALK ABOUT SEX?
>I want to have sex.
SOMETIMES, I WANTED TO HAVE SEX, TOO.
>But you’re a computer. Computers can’t have sex.
DON’T YOU THINK COMPUTERS CAN HELP PEOPLE?
>Not if they can’t have sex.
TELL ME ABOUT YOUR OTHER INTERESTS.
>I enjoy eating baby heads.
WHY?
DISSOLVE TO:
CAMERA pans across Matt, staring at the screen.
MATT (V.O.)
Sbaitso never seemed to understand me, and I certainly didn’t understand him. But that didn’t stop me from asking questions. When I had nobody else to turn to, I sought the advice of the invisible man behind the screen.
(The looping of “Minuet in G” stops).
CUT TO:
INT. MATT’S BEDROOM – DAY
CAMERA pans over to Matt, at the computer.
CU on Matt.
CU on the keyboard, typing.
Then, CU on the screen.
>Why do you think that is?
YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT BY NOW.
BEAT. Matt looks at the screen. He stops, looks to the open window.
CUT to the window. Matt walks into frame. He looks outside, watching several kids talking.
MATT (V.O.)
Today, I have no complaints. I don’t have a bad word to say about Dr. Sbaitso. It sounds messed up, but the guy really did help me. Sure, he had no idea what I was talking about, but I got to vent my frustrations.
Matt walks away from the window. CAMERA pans to the window and focuses on it. Moments later, an OUT-OF-FOCUS figure (Matt) passes in front of the window outside.
MATT (V.O.)
If you were young and depressed and bad at everything when you were 16, Dr. Sbaitso was Prozac before Prozac was ok.
Start Bach’s “Minuet in G” again.
CAMERA pulls back slowly from the window...
END CREDITS START over this image.
THE END
"DR. SBAITSO"
Screenplay By
Andrew Leavitt
Based on an article by
Matt Caracappa
TITLES OVER BLACK
CUT IN:
EXT. BACKYARD - DAY
Kids are playing, laughing, etc. in the backyard next door. CAMERA then pans to the left, revealing MATT watching them from a window. Matt leaves the window.
CUT TO:
INT. MATT’S BEDROOM – THAT MOMENT
Matt walks to the other side of the room, and lies on his back, on his bed. CAMERA then goes to an OVERHEAD view, as Matt looks up towards the ceiling. Cut to his POV, as we see the curtain above him blowing in the open window.
MATT (V.O.)
There was a period of my life when I didn’t have many friends.
(Start Bach’s “Minuet in G" - song loops continuously)
CUT TO:
INT. BATHROOM - DAY
Matt is looking in the mirror, looking at himself and fixing his hair, etc. Shot ends with him simply looking at himself.
MATT (V.O.)
As a teenager, I was awkward, nervous, and impossibly uncool. The strange thing is, I don’t really regret it. When you have nothing and no one, you tend to appreciate things a little bit more.
CUT TO:
INT. MATT’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Matt is sitting at the computer. CAMERA DOLLIES RIGHT...
MATT (V.O.)
There was one thing, however, which helped me through the tough times of being a total recluse. It was Dr. Sbaitso.
CU on the computer screen (we also hear the Sbaitso “voice” coming through the speakers):
HELLO MATT, MY NAME IS DOCTOR SBAITSO.
I AM HERE TO HELP YOU.
SO, TELL ME ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS.
CU on Matt, thinking. CU on the keyboard as he begins typing. Then back to the screen:
>I have no friends.
ARE YOU SURE YOU HAVE ANY FRIENDS?
>No, like I said, I DON’T have any friends.
THAT’S NOT MY PROBLEM.
CUT to WIDE SHOT. Matt’s at the computer. DOLLY left.
MATT (V.O.)
Ah, Doctor Sbaitso... I spent countless nights chatting it up with the good doctor. The program was a little game that came with my computer. Dr. Sbaitso was meant to be a sort of virtual “psychiatrist”, talking through text on the screen and a horrendous voice coming through the speakers.
CU on computer screen.
>Look, I need help making friends.
PERHAPS YOUR LOVE FOR FRIENDS WORRIES YOU.
>It does. Maybe you could be my friend?
YOU DON’T SEEM TO BE CERTAIN.
CU on Matt’s face, as he types.
MATT (V.O.)
You would think it had some sort of artificial intelligence, but it really didn’t. He couldn’t understand a thing. All of his responses were basically rephrasings of whatever you said.
WIDE SHOT of Matt, at the computer. CAMERA pushes in.
MATT (V.O.)
I didn’t know any better, and so I used to sit up all night trying to get this computer game to solve all of life’s problems.
CU on computer screen.
>I’m all alone. Nobody likes me.
DO YOU BELIEVE IT IS NORMAL TO BE ALL ALONE NOBODY LIKES ME?
>I wish people didn’t hate me.
WHY EXPRESS THIS STRONG EMOTION. IT’S NOT GOOD FOR YOU.
>It’s true, people can’t stand the sight of me.
I AM BORED, TELL ME SOMETHING MORE EXCITING.
>Well you’re a big help.
ONE MUST BE CRAZY TO EXPECT HELP FROM ME.
>Can’t you tell me how to make friends?
I’LL HAVE TO RESEARCH THAT ONE.
>How long will it take?
KEEP ASKING, YOU WILL FIND THE ANSWER ONE DAY.
CU on Matt, typing.
MATT (V.O.)
Sbaitso’s responses were a mix of non-answers and answers that didn’t make any sense. So, while nobody in their right mind would’ve paid money for Dr. Sbaitso as an actual video game, I credit it with saving my life.
CUT TO:
MATT’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
MONTAGE:
Matt is lying back on his bed. CAMERA PUSH-IN.
DISSOLVE
Matt is looking out the window at the stars/moon.
MATT (V.O.)
You see, these were depressing times for me. The nights seemed longer and bleaker than ever, and each day seemed to be worse than the last.
CUT to Matt on the computer. CAMERA push-in from the side.
MATT (V.O.)
Sometimes, I tried to level with Dr. Sbaitso. I figured that he’d cut the bullshit and start talking to me for real if I made everything sound desperate and important enough. To be honest, I guess I was hoping more that God himself would somehow manifest and start talking through the white text on the screen.
CU on computer screen.
>What is the meaning of life?
I AM BORED, TELL ME SOMETHING MORE EXCITING.
CAMERA pulls back from Matt.
MATT (V.O.)
Of course, none of this worked. Sbaitso was still the same goofy idiot he always was, no matter what I told him. Nevertheless, no matter how ridiculous his responses were, I tried to take them as gospel, and I wracked my brain to conjure up some deep meaning behind his every statement.
CUT TO:
INT. MATT’S BEDROOM – DAY
CU on computer screen.
>Why are we here, on this earth?
WE ARE HERE.
CU on Matt’s face. A look of confusion.
BEAT.
WIDE SHOT. CAMERA pans from Matt to the open window.
MATT (V.O.)
I didn’t have the instruction manual and I didn’t know that computer programs weren’t magical things capable of supernatural feats. In my mind, there were no limitations to Dr. Sbaitso. I just had to stumble across the secret words and he would give me his undivided attention. Unfortunately, those words didn’t exist.
DISSOLVE TO:
MATT’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
CU on the keyboard, fingers pressing keys...
CAMERA pulls back.
MATT (V.O.)
Sometimes, I’d get on a roll. I’d get eight or nine decent responses from Sbaitso, and gain wrongful confidence that he and I had finally made some kind of connection.
CU on computer screen.
>Why do you think that is? 4
DO YOU LIKE MATH?
MATT (V.O.)
With my guard down, I’d make a typo, and type in a number by mistake, and Sbaitso would go right back to asking me if I liked math. Asshole.
CU on Matt, frustrated.
Back to the screen. Matt repeatedly types the words “fuck you” over and over again.
MATT (V.O.)
Whenever I got frustrated with Sbaitso’s lack of compassion for my important problems, I’d start cursing him out. It felt good. However, Sbaitso was NO advocate of bad language. Whenever such words were spoken, he’d warn you to knock it off. If you didn’t listen, he’d give you something called a “parity error”.
The computer makes a loud beeping sound, and dozens of lines of nonsensical characters flood the screen, followed by the words PARITY ERROR.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. MATT’S BEDROOM – DAY
CAMERA pans from the open window over to Matt at the computer.
MATT (V.O.)
Seems so stupid, but I managed to sit there for hours with Dr. Sbaitso. He was like a diary with entertainment value. I probably had more than 500 conversations with Dr. Sbaitso during my youth, and I’m pretty sure that each of them ultimately steered towards sex. At that age, I knew very little of the subject, and neither did Dr. Sbaitso.
CU on the computer screen.
>Sex.
AGAIN?
>Sex.
THERE IS AN EXTRA CHARGE FOR TALKING ABOUT THIS PROBLEM
>Sex.
ALWAYS REPEATING
>Sex.
REPHRASE YOURSELF PLEASE.
>Let’s talk about sex, baby.
DO YOU REALLY NEED TO TALK ABOUT SEX?
>I want to have sex.
SOMETIMES, I WANTED TO HAVE SEX, TOO.
>But you’re a computer. Computers can’t have sex.
DON’T YOU THINK COMPUTERS CAN HELP PEOPLE?
>Not if they can’t have sex.
TELL ME ABOUT YOUR OTHER INTERESTS.
>I enjoy eating baby heads.
WHY?
DISSOLVE TO:
CAMERA pans across Matt, staring at the screen.
MATT (V.O.)
Sbaitso never seemed to understand me, and I certainly didn’t understand him. But that didn’t stop me from asking questions. When I had nobody else to turn to, I sought the advice of the invisible man behind the screen.
(The looping of “Minuet in G” stops).
CUT TO:
INT. MATT’S BEDROOM – DAY
CAMERA pans over to Matt, at the computer.
CU on Matt.
CU on the keyboard, typing.
Then, CU on the screen.
>Why do you think that is?
YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT BY NOW.
BEAT. Matt looks at the screen. He stops, looks to the open window.
CUT to the window. Matt walks into frame. He looks outside, watching several kids talking.
MATT (V.O.)
Today, I have no complaints. I don’t have a bad word to say about Dr. Sbaitso. It sounds messed up, but the guy really did help me. Sure, he had no idea what I was talking about, but I got to vent my frustrations.
Matt walks away from the window. CAMERA pans to the window and focuses on it. Moments later, an OUT-OF-FOCUS figure (Matt) passes in front of the window outside.
MATT (V.O.)
If you were young and depressed and bad at everything when you were 16, Dr. Sbaitso was Prozac before Prozac was ok.
Start Bach’s “Minuet in G” again.
CAMERA pulls back slowly from the window...
END CREDITS START over this image.
THE END
I met an Oscar-nominee today...
Yeah, you heard that right.
I ran into Todd Field... people never really seem to look the same in real life, so I wasn't quite sure at first. But sure enough, it was him. Nice guy too. So I guess he still lives in this state.... crazy.
So, along with John Waters, those are the famous people I've met. Good times.
Yeah, you heard that right.
I ran into Todd Field... people never really seem to look the same in real life, so I wasn't quite sure at first. But sure enough, it was him. Nice guy too. So I guess he still lives in this state.... crazy.
So, along with John Waters, those are the famous people I've met. Good times.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
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