Hey Matt! Thanks for the comment on the last post... glad to hear you liked the script. I tried to pay tribute to your brilliant article, which was both funny and amazingly poignant. For those of you that don't know, Matt is the person behind X-Entertainment.com, a wonderful site that focuses not just on nostalgia, but, well, just about everything you can think of... Visit it. Read it. Love it.
Anyways, I'll try to keep everyone posted on the development of the short...
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Saturday, April 14, 2007
Someone brought to my attention a short film festival taking place in July... I think I'm going to attempt to get something finshed for it... Here's the latest draft of what will probably end up being the short:
"DR. SBAITSO"
Screenplay By
Andrew Leavitt
Based on an article by
Matt Caracappa
TITLES OVER BLACK
CUT IN:
EXT. BACKYARD - DAY
Kids are playing, laughing, etc. in the backyard next door. CAMERA then pans to the left, revealing MATT watching them from a window. Matt leaves the window.
CUT TO:
INT. MATT’S BEDROOM – THAT MOMENT
Matt walks to the other side of the room, and lies on his back, on his bed. CAMERA then goes to an OVERHEAD view, as Matt looks up towards the ceiling. Cut to his POV, as we see the curtain above him blowing in the open window.
MATT (V.O.)
There was a period of my life when I didn’t have many friends.
(Start Bach’s “Minuet in G" - song loops continuously)
CUT TO:
INT. BATHROOM - DAY
Matt is looking in the mirror, looking at himself and fixing his hair, etc. Shot ends with him simply looking at himself.
MATT (V.O.)
As a teenager, I was awkward, nervous, and impossibly uncool. The strange thing is, I don’t really regret it. When you have nothing and no one, you tend to appreciate things a little bit more.
CUT TO:
INT. MATT’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Matt is sitting at the computer. CAMERA DOLLIES RIGHT...
MATT (V.O.)
There was one thing, however, which helped me through the tough times of being a total recluse. It was Dr. Sbaitso.
CU on the computer screen (we also hear the Sbaitso “voice” coming through the speakers):
HELLO MATT, MY NAME IS DOCTOR SBAITSO.
I AM HERE TO HELP YOU.
SO, TELL ME ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS.
CU on Matt, thinking. CU on the keyboard as he begins typing. Then back to the screen:
>I have no friends.
ARE YOU SURE YOU HAVE ANY FRIENDS?
>No, like I said, I DON’T have any friends.
THAT’S NOT MY PROBLEM.
CUT to WIDE SHOT. Matt’s at the computer. DOLLY left.
MATT (V.O.)
Ah, Doctor Sbaitso... I spent countless nights chatting it up with the good doctor. The program was a little game that came with my computer. Dr. Sbaitso was meant to be a sort of virtual “psychiatrist”, talking through text on the screen and a horrendous voice coming through the speakers.
CU on computer screen.
>Look, I need help making friends.
PERHAPS YOUR LOVE FOR FRIENDS WORRIES YOU.
>It does. Maybe you could be my friend?
YOU DON’T SEEM TO BE CERTAIN.
CU on Matt’s face, as he types.
MATT (V.O.)
You would think it had some sort of artificial intelligence, but it really didn’t. He couldn’t understand a thing. All of his responses were basically rephrasings of whatever you said.
WIDE SHOT of Matt, at the computer. CAMERA pushes in.
MATT (V.O.)
I didn’t know any better, and so I used to sit up all night trying to get this computer game to solve all of life’s problems.
CU on computer screen.
>I’m all alone. Nobody likes me.
DO YOU BELIEVE IT IS NORMAL TO BE ALL ALONE NOBODY LIKES ME?
>I wish people didn’t hate me.
WHY EXPRESS THIS STRONG EMOTION. IT’S NOT GOOD FOR YOU.
>It’s true, people can’t stand the sight of me.
I AM BORED, TELL ME SOMETHING MORE EXCITING.
>Well you’re a big help.
ONE MUST BE CRAZY TO EXPECT HELP FROM ME.
>Can’t you tell me how to make friends?
I’LL HAVE TO RESEARCH THAT ONE.
>How long will it take?
KEEP ASKING, YOU WILL FIND THE ANSWER ONE DAY.
CU on Matt, typing.
MATT (V.O.)
Sbaitso’s responses were a mix of non-answers and answers that didn’t make any sense. So, while nobody in their right mind would’ve paid money for Dr. Sbaitso as an actual video game, I credit it with saving my life.
CUT TO:
MATT’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
MONTAGE:
Matt is lying back on his bed. CAMERA PUSH-IN.
DISSOLVE
Matt is looking out the window at the stars/moon.
MATT (V.O.)
You see, these were depressing times for me. The nights seemed longer and bleaker than ever, and each day seemed to be worse than the last.
CUT to Matt on the computer. CAMERA push-in from the side.
MATT (V.O.)
Sometimes, I tried to level with Dr. Sbaitso. I figured that he’d cut the bullshit and start talking to me for real if I made everything sound desperate and important enough. To be honest, I guess I was hoping more that God himself would somehow manifest and start talking through the white text on the screen.
CU on computer screen.
>What is the meaning of life?
I AM BORED, TELL ME SOMETHING MORE EXCITING.
CAMERA pulls back from Matt.
MATT (V.O.)
Of course, none of this worked. Sbaitso was still the same goofy idiot he always was, no matter what I told him. Nevertheless, no matter how ridiculous his responses were, I tried to take them as gospel, and I wracked my brain to conjure up some deep meaning behind his every statement.
CUT TO:
INT. MATT’S BEDROOM – DAY
CU on computer screen.
>Why are we here, on this earth?
WE ARE HERE.
CU on Matt’s face. A look of confusion.
BEAT.
WIDE SHOT. CAMERA pans from Matt to the open window.
MATT (V.O.)
I didn’t have the instruction manual and I didn’t know that computer programs weren’t magical things capable of supernatural feats. In my mind, there were no limitations to Dr. Sbaitso. I just had to stumble across the secret words and he would give me his undivided attention. Unfortunately, those words didn’t exist.
DISSOLVE TO:
MATT’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
CU on the keyboard, fingers pressing keys...
CAMERA pulls back.
MATT (V.O.)
Sometimes, I’d get on a roll. I’d get eight or nine decent responses from Sbaitso, and gain wrongful confidence that he and I had finally made some kind of connection.
CU on computer screen.
>Why do you think that is? 4
DO YOU LIKE MATH?
MATT (V.O.)
With my guard down, I’d make a typo, and type in a number by mistake, and Sbaitso would go right back to asking me if I liked math. Asshole.
CU on Matt, frustrated.
Back to the screen. Matt repeatedly types the words “fuck you” over and over again.
MATT (V.O.)
Whenever I got frustrated with Sbaitso’s lack of compassion for my important problems, I’d start cursing him out. It felt good. However, Sbaitso was NO advocate of bad language. Whenever such words were spoken, he’d warn you to knock it off. If you didn’t listen, he’d give you something called a “parity error”.
The computer makes a loud beeping sound, and dozens of lines of nonsensical characters flood the screen, followed by the words PARITY ERROR.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. MATT’S BEDROOM – DAY
CAMERA pans from the open window over to Matt at the computer.
MATT (V.O.)
Seems so stupid, but I managed to sit there for hours with Dr. Sbaitso. He was like a diary with entertainment value. I probably had more than 500 conversations with Dr. Sbaitso during my youth, and I’m pretty sure that each of them ultimately steered towards sex. At that age, I knew very little of the subject, and neither did Dr. Sbaitso.
CU on the computer screen.
>Sex.
AGAIN?
>Sex.
THERE IS AN EXTRA CHARGE FOR TALKING ABOUT THIS PROBLEM
>Sex.
ALWAYS REPEATING
>Sex.
REPHRASE YOURSELF PLEASE.
>Let’s talk about sex, baby.
DO YOU REALLY NEED TO TALK ABOUT SEX?
>I want to have sex.
SOMETIMES, I WANTED TO HAVE SEX, TOO.
>But you’re a computer. Computers can’t have sex.
DON’T YOU THINK COMPUTERS CAN HELP PEOPLE?
>Not if they can’t have sex.
TELL ME ABOUT YOUR OTHER INTERESTS.
>I enjoy eating baby heads.
WHY?
DISSOLVE TO:
CAMERA pans across Matt, staring at the screen.
MATT (V.O.)
Sbaitso never seemed to understand me, and I certainly didn’t understand him. But that didn’t stop me from asking questions. When I had nobody else to turn to, I sought the advice of the invisible man behind the screen.
(The looping of “Minuet in G” stops).
CUT TO:
INT. MATT’S BEDROOM – DAY
CAMERA pans over to Matt, at the computer.
CU on Matt.
CU on the keyboard, typing.
Then, CU on the screen.
>Why do you think that is?
YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT BY NOW.
BEAT. Matt looks at the screen. He stops, looks to the open window.
CUT to the window. Matt walks into frame. He looks outside, watching several kids talking.
MATT (V.O.)
Today, I have no complaints. I don’t have a bad word to say about Dr. Sbaitso. It sounds messed up, but the guy really did help me. Sure, he had no idea what I was talking about, but I got to vent my frustrations.
Matt walks away from the window. CAMERA pans to the window and focuses on it. Moments later, an OUT-OF-FOCUS figure (Matt) passes in front of the window outside.
MATT (V.O.)
If you were young and depressed and bad at everything when you were 16, Dr. Sbaitso was Prozac before Prozac was ok.
Start Bach’s “Minuet in G” again.
CAMERA pulls back slowly from the window...
END CREDITS START over this image.
THE END
"DR. SBAITSO"
Screenplay By
Andrew Leavitt
Based on an article by
Matt Caracappa
TITLES OVER BLACK
CUT IN:
EXT. BACKYARD - DAY
Kids are playing, laughing, etc. in the backyard next door. CAMERA then pans to the left, revealing MATT watching them from a window. Matt leaves the window.
CUT TO:
INT. MATT’S BEDROOM – THAT MOMENT
Matt walks to the other side of the room, and lies on his back, on his bed. CAMERA then goes to an OVERHEAD view, as Matt looks up towards the ceiling. Cut to his POV, as we see the curtain above him blowing in the open window.
MATT (V.O.)
There was a period of my life when I didn’t have many friends.
(Start Bach’s “Minuet in G" - song loops continuously)
CUT TO:
INT. BATHROOM - DAY
Matt is looking in the mirror, looking at himself and fixing his hair, etc. Shot ends with him simply looking at himself.
MATT (V.O.)
As a teenager, I was awkward, nervous, and impossibly uncool. The strange thing is, I don’t really regret it. When you have nothing and no one, you tend to appreciate things a little bit more.
CUT TO:
INT. MATT’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Matt is sitting at the computer. CAMERA DOLLIES RIGHT...
MATT (V.O.)
There was one thing, however, which helped me through the tough times of being a total recluse. It was Dr. Sbaitso.
CU on the computer screen (we also hear the Sbaitso “voice” coming through the speakers):
HELLO MATT, MY NAME IS DOCTOR SBAITSO.
I AM HERE TO HELP YOU.
SO, TELL ME ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS.
CU on Matt, thinking. CU on the keyboard as he begins typing. Then back to the screen:
>I have no friends.
ARE YOU SURE YOU HAVE ANY FRIENDS?
>No, like I said, I DON’T have any friends.
THAT’S NOT MY PROBLEM.
CUT to WIDE SHOT. Matt’s at the computer. DOLLY left.
MATT (V.O.)
Ah, Doctor Sbaitso... I spent countless nights chatting it up with the good doctor. The program was a little game that came with my computer. Dr. Sbaitso was meant to be a sort of virtual “psychiatrist”, talking through text on the screen and a horrendous voice coming through the speakers.
CU on computer screen.
>Look, I need help making friends.
PERHAPS YOUR LOVE FOR FRIENDS WORRIES YOU.
>It does. Maybe you could be my friend?
YOU DON’T SEEM TO BE CERTAIN.
CU on Matt’s face, as he types.
MATT (V.O.)
You would think it had some sort of artificial intelligence, but it really didn’t. He couldn’t understand a thing. All of his responses were basically rephrasings of whatever you said.
WIDE SHOT of Matt, at the computer. CAMERA pushes in.
MATT (V.O.)
I didn’t know any better, and so I used to sit up all night trying to get this computer game to solve all of life’s problems.
CU on computer screen.
>I’m all alone. Nobody likes me.
DO YOU BELIEVE IT IS NORMAL TO BE ALL ALONE NOBODY LIKES ME?
>I wish people didn’t hate me.
WHY EXPRESS THIS STRONG EMOTION. IT’S NOT GOOD FOR YOU.
>It’s true, people can’t stand the sight of me.
I AM BORED, TELL ME SOMETHING MORE EXCITING.
>Well you’re a big help.
ONE MUST BE CRAZY TO EXPECT HELP FROM ME.
>Can’t you tell me how to make friends?
I’LL HAVE TO RESEARCH THAT ONE.
>How long will it take?
KEEP ASKING, YOU WILL FIND THE ANSWER ONE DAY.
CU on Matt, typing.
MATT (V.O.)
Sbaitso’s responses were a mix of non-answers and answers that didn’t make any sense. So, while nobody in their right mind would’ve paid money for Dr. Sbaitso as an actual video game, I credit it with saving my life.
CUT TO:
MATT’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
MONTAGE:
Matt is lying back on his bed. CAMERA PUSH-IN.
DISSOLVE
Matt is looking out the window at the stars/moon.
MATT (V.O.)
You see, these were depressing times for me. The nights seemed longer and bleaker than ever, and each day seemed to be worse than the last.
CUT to Matt on the computer. CAMERA push-in from the side.
MATT (V.O.)
Sometimes, I tried to level with Dr. Sbaitso. I figured that he’d cut the bullshit and start talking to me for real if I made everything sound desperate and important enough. To be honest, I guess I was hoping more that God himself would somehow manifest and start talking through the white text on the screen.
CU on computer screen.
>What is the meaning of life?
I AM BORED, TELL ME SOMETHING MORE EXCITING.
CAMERA pulls back from Matt.
MATT (V.O.)
Of course, none of this worked. Sbaitso was still the same goofy idiot he always was, no matter what I told him. Nevertheless, no matter how ridiculous his responses were, I tried to take them as gospel, and I wracked my brain to conjure up some deep meaning behind his every statement.
CUT TO:
INT. MATT’S BEDROOM – DAY
CU on computer screen.
>Why are we here, on this earth?
WE ARE HERE.
CU on Matt’s face. A look of confusion.
BEAT.
WIDE SHOT. CAMERA pans from Matt to the open window.
MATT (V.O.)
I didn’t have the instruction manual and I didn’t know that computer programs weren’t magical things capable of supernatural feats. In my mind, there were no limitations to Dr. Sbaitso. I just had to stumble across the secret words and he would give me his undivided attention. Unfortunately, those words didn’t exist.
DISSOLVE TO:
MATT’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
CU on the keyboard, fingers pressing keys...
CAMERA pulls back.
MATT (V.O.)
Sometimes, I’d get on a roll. I’d get eight or nine decent responses from Sbaitso, and gain wrongful confidence that he and I had finally made some kind of connection.
CU on computer screen.
>Why do you think that is? 4
DO YOU LIKE MATH?
MATT (V.O.)
With my guard down, I’d make a typo, and type in a number by mistake, and Sbaitso would go right back to asking me if I liked math. Asshole.
CU on Matt, frustrated.
Back to the screen. Matt repeatedly types the words “fuck you” over and over again.
MATT (V.O.)
Whenever I got frustrated with Sbaitso’s lack of compassion for my important problems, I’d start cursing him out. It felt good. However, Sbaitso was NO advocate of bad language. Whenever such words were spoken, he’d warn you to knock it off. If you didn’t listen, he’d give you something called a “parity error”.
The computer makes a loud beeping sound, and dozens of lines of nonsensical characters flood the screen, followed by the words PARITY ERROR.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. MATT’S BEDROOM – DAY
CAMERA pans from the open window over to Matt at the computer.
MATT (V.O.)
Seems so stupid, but I managed to sit there for hours with Dr. Sbaitso. He was like a diary with entertainment value. I probably had more than 500 conversations with Dr. Sbaitso during my youth, and I’m pretty sure that each of them ultimately steered towards sex. At that age, I knew very little of the subject, and neither did Dr. Sbaitso.
CU on the computer screen.
>Sex.
AGAIN?
>Sex.
THERE IS AN EXTRA CHARGE FOR TALKING ABOUT THIS PROBLEM
>Sex.
ALWAYS REPEATING
>Sex.
REPHRASE YOURSELF PLEASE.
>Let’s talk about sex, baby.
DO YOU REALLY NEED TO TALK ABOUT SEX?
>I want to have sex.
SOMETIMES, I WANTED TO HAVE SEX, TOO.
>But you’re a computer. Computers can’t have sex.
DON’T YOU THINK COMPUTERS CAN HELP PEOPLE?
>Not if they can’t have sex.
TELL ME ABOUT YOUR OTHER INTERESTS.
>I enjoy eating baby heads.
WHY?
DISSOLVE TO:
CAMERA pans across Matt, staring at the screen.
MATT (V.O.)
Sbaitso never seemed to understand me, and I certainly didn’t understand him. But that didn’t stop me from asking questions. When I had nobody else to turn to, I sought the advice of the invisible man behind the screen.
(The looping of “Minuet in G” stops).
CUT TO:
INT. MATT’S BEDROOM – DAY
CAMERA pans over to Matt, at the computer.
CU on Matt.
CU on the keyboard, typing.
Then, CU on the screen.
>Why do you think that is?
YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT BY NOW.
BEAT. Matt looks at the screen. He stops, looks to the open window.
CUT to the window. Matt walks into frame. He looks outside, watching several kids talking.
MATT (V.O.)
Today, I have no complaints. I don’t have a bad word to say about Dr. Sbaitso. It sounds messed up, but the guy really did help me. Sure, he had no idea what I was talking about, but I got to vent my frustrations.
Matt walks away from the window. CAMERA pans to the window and focuses on it. Moments later, an OUT-OF-FOCUS figure (Matt) passes in front of the window outside.
MATT (V.O.)
If you were young and depressed and bad at everything when you were 16, Dr. Sbaitso was Prozac before Prozac was ok.
Start Bach’s “Minuet in G” again.
CAMERA pulls back slowly from the window...
END CREDITS START over this image.
THE END
I met an Oscar-nominee today...
Yeah, you heard that right.
I ran into Todd Field... people never really seem to look the same in real life, so I wasn't quite sure at first. But sure enough, it was him. Nice guy too. So I guess he still lives in this state.... crazy.
So, along with John Waters, those are the famous people I've met. Good times.
Yeah, you heard that right.
I ran into Todd Field... people never really seem to look the same in real life, so I wasn't quite sure at first. But sure enough, it was him. Nice guy too. So I guess he still lives in this state.... crazy.
So, along with John Waters, those are the famous people I've met. Good times.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
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