PTA article on Slate

I've never been fond of Slate and its movie commentary... they usually have no idea what they're talking about. But today I found a great article about Paul Thomas Anderson on their website. It's a well-written piece, and it explains - in a concise and easily comprehensible way - why I love his films. Read it for yourself, and you just might understand why I'm obsessed with his work.

Click here to read the article

Juno

This movie isn't quite the revelation that everyone's saying it is, but it's a very solid film. Ellen Page is wonderful - truly a breakout star. The supporting cast is pitch-perfect and everyone is well-cast in their roles. The screenplay is lightly comic without going overboard, and the dramatic moments work because they're earned. The biggest surprise for me was the direction of Jason Reitman (son of director Ivan Reitman) - it is quite simply the reason the film works. He conveys a sense of longing and quirky melancholy that might have been lost amongst the humor. This is his second feature, his first being 2006's Thank You for Smoking, a film I was less-than-impressed with. It was unfocused, with little-to-no narrative drive and a group of characters that weren't interesting enough to want to spend time with. Reitman wrote that screenplay. He didn't write this one. The screenwriter this time is Diablo Cody, and although her script relies a little too much on hip wordplay and self-consciously clever dialogue, this aspect of the film is diminished after the first half hour, and we settle into this nice little world she has created. The script's greatest accomplishment is it's structure: not a scene is wasted, and every sequence is there for a reason.
There's really nothing more to say... go see this film. If you're like me, the first half hour or so will be a little grating (it's like a screenwriter screaming in your face "Look at me! I'm here!"), but it's quickly over with and you'll discover a charming little story with a little something for everyone. (And I have to say, I LOVE the last shot of the film... I know, I know, it might not seem like much to some people, but it's simple, graceful, and - my favorite part - it goes on forever...)

Before the Devil Knows You're Dead

Forget No Country for Old Men - this is the real great crime film of 2007. Don't get me wrong, No Country was good, but this film has it beat. It gives us an interesting plot and great characterization, not to mention a satisfying ending (you listening, Coen brothers?). Before the Devil Knows You're Dead is the latest film from Sidney Lumet (Dog Day Afternoon, Network), an old-timer who still knows how to tell a story, and to tell it well.
An interesting sidenote: the movie was filmed on HD video, but I couldn't even tell until I read an article which mentioned it. Apparently, Lumet will never shoot on film again, and predicts that everyone will abandon film within five years. Remember my little talk about Zodiac and how film is dead? Well, when veterans like Lumet and Altman (who shot his last few features on video) decide to give up film, that really says something.
Great movie, don't hesitate to see it.

I'm Not There

"That's when she knew it was over for good. The longest-running war in television history. The war that hung like a shadow over the same nine years as her marriage. So why was it suddenly so hard to breathe?..."

Holy shit. This movie is truly an original. Part experimental film, part documentary, and part biopic, the new film from Todd Haynes (Far From Heaven) is nothing less than perhaps the greatest biographical film of all time.

Biopics (an industry-coined term, short for "biographical picture") have become all the rage lately, especially ones about musicians. While most of them have been good (Ray, Walk the Line), there's no denying the fact that they all follow a similar structure and formula. Bob Dylan, always the innovator, wisely decided to wait until a script came along that broke the mold. This film, to which Dylan has given his stamp of approval (by allowing the use of his music) is the first non-documentary telling of his life.

No less than six actors play Dylan at different stages of his life (although none are actually given his name):

1. Marcus Carl Franklin, a young black boy, plays Dylan's younger self. He calls himself "Woody Guthrie", an obvious allusion to the fact that Dylan not only worshipped Guthrie, but also (in his younger days) tried to emulate him in every way.



2. Ben Whishaw (who has the smallest Dylan role) plays Arthur Rimbaud, a sort of narrator of our story, although, in true Dylan fashion, he is reluctant to explain himself beyond vague phrases and riddles.



3. Christian Bale plays Jack Rollins, the character which represents Dylan's transition from simple folk singer to a recognized performer of "protest songs" (more specifically, the time period surrounding his album "The Times They Are a-Changin'"). This story in the film differs from the others in that it is told in a faux-documentary form, with fake interviews of actors playing characters based on real people (such as Julianne Moore, who plays a character based on Joan Baez). Bale's character also returns later on, as we view Dylan's brief Christian reform.



4. Cate Blanchett plays Jude Quinn, based on the Don't Look Back-era Dylan. As such, this section is filmed in black and white, like that film. Blanchett, while female, probably gives the best performance as Dylan. It is just simply spot-on.



5. Heath Ledger plays Robbie Clark, who represents Dylan during the time his marriage was falling apart (AKA, the Blood on the Tracks period). One of the best uses of Dylan's music in the film is during this section. "Visions of Johanna" plays over the sequence where his wife first realizes it's over. The whole sequence is great, but the best part of it is the beginning - the song fading in, the simultaneous push-ins, the 4 flash cuts, and Ledger's hushed voice-over. Perfect.



6. And finally, Richard Gere plays Billy, an aged outlaw and the literal manifestation of Dylan's fascination with Billy the Kid.

I will begin to talk about the complicated narrative structure of the film, which often does not reference events directly, but relies on the audience's prior knowledge of Dylan to fill in the blanks. I must stress this point here: do not attempt to watch this film unless you've seen at least the two main Dylan documentaries, Don't Look Back and No Direction Home, and have read a brief history of his life (this is a good place to start). I say this because the film will make little-to-no sense for someone without a primer in Dylan 101.

Take the scene below, for instance. In this wonderful sequence, the Dylan character who calls himself "Woody Guthrie" goes to visit a dying music legend in the hospital. Only Dylan fans would know that this was based on a true event - Dylan visited his idol and musical inspiration Woody Guthrie as he lay dying in his hospital bed. It was a main turning point in his life, and it allowed him to put down the Guthrie persona and become his own being. Thus, after this scene, the black Dylan character disappears from the film.

Even more potentially confusing is the Gere character, who not only embodies the Billy the Kid persona Dylan took on while working on the film Pat Garrett and Billy the Kid and its soundtrack, but because the film makes liberal use of non-linear structure and cross-cutting, this section is actually a direct comment on the Heath Ledger storyline which is happening right alongside it. As his marriage is breaking up, and Dylan becomes more withdrawn, it's almost as if this Billy character is his fantasy - becoming someone who no one knows, living in a small, simple town and being content with himself. As the town is threatened with destruction, this is representative of Dylan waking up from his depression and finally moving on, as the character hitches a ride on a train (echoing the beginning) and rides away. This makes little sense as we're watching it, but as Billy's dog - his one true companion - struggles to catch up with the fleeing train and fails, Gere mutters "Goodbye, my lady", and we're suddenly aware that he's talking about his wife. We sense his character's loss, and therefore, also Dylan's. It's a brilliant way of portraying something not easily conveyed on screen.

The more I talk about this film, the more amazing I realize it is. It's a must-see for Dylan fans, and even for people who don't know about him - do a little Dylan research and then see this film. It won't be nominated for it, but it deserves the Best Screenplay Oscar. And I haven't even seen There Will Be Blood yet. That's how good it is.

The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford

Two of the best performances of the year, bright and persuasive direction from a relatively unknown filmmaker, and one of the best music scores of recent memory, all collide in this must-see film.

I will say, first and foremost, that this film is not for everybody. It runs nearly three hours, and it is a slow and meditative film. It takes patience and energy to view this film, and it's not something for a casual viewing. It was completed in 2005 and not released until now, so that should tell you just how unsure of this movie the studio was. Stylistically, the film is equal parts Terrence Malick and Ingmar Bergman, and its main priority is slowly building character and plot through narration and nuance. Truthfully, this thing could be a half hour shorter, and there were times I grew weary of the slow pacing, but by the end, I was eternally grateful for every second of screen time beforehand, as it helps build into a breathtaking, emotional finale.

This is director Andrew Dominik's second film, and he is truly one to watch. His only previous film was a little Australian picture from 2000 entitled Chopper. I have no idea how he was able to get the job of writing and directing this film, but I'm glad he did. His directing is simple and unobtrusive, and his camerawork is fluid and precise. Reminds me a lot of the work of Paul Thomas Anderson. He doesn't quite have the gift for writing that PTA does (scenes drag on too long, etc.), but his deft handling of the material more than makes up for it.

Both of the two leads in this film - Brad Pitt and Casey Affleck - are exceptional. Pitt is menacing and frightening but also likable and sympathetic, something that is required for his character. But the real shining star here is Casey Affleck. We had two films this year - Gone Baby Gone and now this - in which he was absolutely amazing. He's subtle, believable, and altogether brilliant. He's no longer just the "other Affleck" from Good Will Hunting... he's a damn good actor. It's a pretty tight Supporting Actor race at the Oscars this year, so I doubt he'll get a nomination, but he won Best Supporting Actor from the National Board of Review, and it's richly deserved.

The score is by Nick Cave (yes, that Nick Cave) and Warren Ellis, and it's haunting, evocative, and just right. The cinematography is beautiful, as the film was shot by Roger Deakins, the Coen Brothers' frequent DP. But the real gem here is the story. As the title tells you, it's the true story of the assassination of Jesse James by Robert Ford. That detail is given to you right in the title, right up front, and it's obvious that's what the film is about. But the film is really about the desire for fame and infamy, and the resulting consequences. That's all I'll say, but that's where the ending of the film takes you, and it's beautiful, touching, and perfect.

One of the best films of the year. Don't go into this expecting action, or even a western. If you're a fan of the Terrence Malick style of filmmaking, you'll be right at home.

No Country for Old Men

The Coen Brothers' new movie, No Country for Old Men, is a rousing thrill-ride for much of its running time, but with an ending that, well... just simply sucks.

As I understand it, the film follows the novel quite closely, and the ending is the same as in the book. Well, this would have been a great chance to do some re-writing, because the ending comes out of nowhere, and not in a good way. People praise the ending of No Country as clever, as it is not only unexpected, but stylistically different from the rest of the film/novel. I simply see it as someone not knowing how to end their story. Without giving too much away, I will say that the last 10 minutes go in a completely different direction from the rest of the film, characters disappear, the momentum that has been growing throughout the film suddenly drops into nothingness, and we have been cheated as an audience.

You really have to see the film to understand what I'm saying here - and I don't want to give away any spoilers - but the story has some serious narrative problems, the ending chief among them. The film itself is great - one of the Coens' best - but that ending... it's just a sore spot with me. You can surprise your audience - even anger and upset them - but it has to come from somewhere meaningful, and it has to (for lack of a better word) jive with the rest of the film. If something feels like it doesn't belong in a film, chances are it shouldn't be there. I understand the attempt to do something different, but sometimes it's better to give what's expected than to fail your audience.

Some more Loveline clips

The Mist

Film adaptations of Stephen King's work usually go one of two ways: you get great movies like The Shawshank Redemption or Stand By Me, or you get something like Maximum Overdrive. Thankfully, this film falls into the former category. While adaptations of King's non-horror work are usually solid (films like Shawshank, Stand By Me, and The Green Mile come to mind), his horror novels hardly ever translate well to screen. While the rare film like Carrie succeeds, usually these movies go down in flames. I've always thought that the reason these films never work is the failure to translate King's great characters to the screen. While the plot is full of spooky shit, the well-drawn characters are really what make King's horror novels rise above simple pulp.

Now we have The Mist, a film from Frank Darabont - the go-to guy for film adaptations of Stephen King's work. His previous films include both Shawshank and The Green Mile and the underrated The Majestic. In fact, you could even say he owes his directorial career to King, who started him off by giving him the rights to adapt his story "The Woman in the Room" into a short film. Who could blame him for continuing to come back to the well?

Darabont somehow understands Stephen King's work in a way most directors can't seem to grasp. Characters are front and center in his novels, and even this story - Darabont's first horror film - is more about character interactions than the monsters lurking outside. In fact, without giving too much away, the people trapped inside while all this is going down are in some ways more dangerous than the creatures attacking them. As people confront each other and conflict arises, it begins to look a lot safer outside with the man-eating monsters.

I was surprised to see this much bold content in a studio horror film. References to Iraq and George Bush and even religion are woven into the film. Sometimes it's clunky, but it's never unwelcome and always interesting. The fact that the main antagonist of the film becomes not the monsters but a religious fanatic who proclaims these events an act of God and that the only way to drive the creatures away is to start throwing people out the door as sacrifices... let's just say I'm surprised a major studio allowed that. Not just that, but the fact that the scared crowd becomes brainwashed and starts to believe her... obvious allegories to the dangers of religion and even to the unquestioning faith of Bush supporters... not what you'd expect to see from a rubber monster movie. Like I said, it doesn't always work, but when it does, it's great.

Darabont shot this film in a gritty, documentary style, with handheld camerawork and frequent quick-zooms. It could have been cheesy, but it really adds to that "you-are-there" mentality they were going for. They didn't have much money for this, so some of the CGI effects (especially an early monster appearance) look fake. But the caliber of the actors really do serve to obscure most of the technical shortcomings. A great cast, and I won't go over all of them, but you'll see some familiar faces from Shawshank, and Marcia Gay Harden is fucking scary in this... she won an Oscar for Pollock, but she's actually better in this.

It has some shortcomings, and not everyone's going to like a horror movie, but it hits far more than it misses, and it really is one of the best horror films of the last 10 years, hands down.

Lars and the Real Girl

I remember thinking while watching this movie: this is what independent filmmaking is all about. A unique, passionate vision that a studio wouldn't touch with a ten-foot pole. Independent filmmaking his become quite the narrowly defined genre over the past few years - even the term has taken on a different name. Independent has been compressed to indie, and the output has quickly become hip, coming-of-age teen films. In essence, something that the studios can easily market. When all the independent distributors went out of business or were bought out by the big guys, we were given a bunch of "arthouse" sub-labels (i.e. Focus Features, which is part of Universal) which were nothing more than studio pictures with smaller budgets.

This film hearkens back to the independent films of the 90's - something easily identifiable as independent and something the studios would never produce. Simply read the plotline: A young man, lonely and confused, becomes delusional and begins to pretend that a life-size female doll is actually alive and is his girlfriend. Now, put something like this in the wrong hands, and you have a gross-out comedy or a sketch on SNL. Handled deftly by newcomers Nancy Oliver and Craig Gillespie (writer and director, respectively) however, and you have a touching, layered film that examines loneliness, isolation and love, albeit with a quirky sensibility.

I kept coming back to Harold and Maude while watching this film. Another film with a plot that could be obvious for jokes (an 18-year-old has a relationship with an 80-year-old woman), it instead prefers to go deeper, and look at motivation and underlying issues. It skirts a fine line, and almost always stays on the right side of it.

Ryan Gosling, a recent Oscar-nominee for Half Nelson, could have easily cashed-in on his new found popularity with a string of romantic comedies, but here he takes on a particularly challenging role, and he's simply a revelation. Lars is warm and likable, and the movie simply can't work without him. The rest of the cast is uniformly wonderful. I was especially impressed with Paul Schneider (All the Real Girls). Because of its strange plot, the film will most likely be ignored come awards time, but if it was up to me, I'd give him a nomination for Best Supporting Actor. He's funny without being broad, and he gives his character substantial weight and sympathy, which makes his transformation from disappointed brother to a supportive backbone in Lars' life that much more touching.

This movie won't be for everyone, but people with an open mind and a hunger for something different will find one of the best films of the year.

The Great Movies

This is the result of a couple of nights of boredom. I actually think it turned out really well. The objective was to show the power of film through clips of some of the best movies of all time. I think the moving score behind it (Jerry Goldsmith's theme from Rudy) really helps. Check it out, and enjoy.

Click here to watch The Great Movies

The Darjeeling Limited (and some thoughts on Wes Anderson)

The new film from Wes Anderson is both the most mature film he's ever done and unlike anything he's ever done before. The Wes Anderson "style" is still evident (perfectly-framed, close-up insert shots; slow-motion sequences set to music; whip-pans), but the trademark quirkiness we've come to expect from an Anderson film has been considerably toned down here. In my opinion, it's for the better.

Don't get me wrong, I love his work. Bottle Rocket and Rushmore are two of the best films of the 90's, and I was one of the few who thought that The Life Aquatic was a great movie. But it seems as if some people are distracted by the zany surface of Anderson's films and therefore have trouble connecting to the emotional layers within. I'm not one of them, but I understand their feelings. Anderson has such an overly-self-conscious style that some people are turned off. With The Darjeeling Limited, he has finally created a film which unabashedly shows its hand instead of hiding behind the poker face of Anderson's usual tricks, and confidently wears its heart on its sleeve. And it's a better film for it.

Before the film, we are treated to a short film entitled Hotel Chevalier, which directly ties in to the feature (which screens immediately after). The history of this short film has been strange: for festival screenings, the short was shown before the film, but for the early limited release, it was removed, and instead was made available for download on iTunes. Now, for the wide release, the short is back. I honestly can't imagine seeing this film without it included. It provides much-needed backstory for Jason Schwartzman's character, and actually gives lines to Natalie Portman (who is relegated to one single shot - and no lines - in the film proper). Without giving too much away, the removal of it also renders Schwartzman's last lines in the film meaningless, as they refer directly to the events of the short.

Anderson usually closes each of his films with a slow-motion shot, set to music. Not in this film. As if he somehow realized he was making an artistic leap of maturity with this film, he has chosen to instead use the slow-motion device throughout various parts of the movie, starting with a beautiful shot at the end of the short set to Peter Sarstedt's "Where Do You Go To (My Lovely)", and moving on to several others, including two great sequences set to Kinks songs. Anderson has always used this shot to underscore emotion, and this time he experiments by placing it within the film, instead of at the end. It works wonderfully every single time.

Without going on too much longer, I will point out the great characterization in the film (for example, Owen Wilson's character's ordering of food... when you see it, you'll know) which always felt spot-on and never forced, and of course the great caliber of the acting. These three people feel like brothers - the way they talk, the way they interact. It may seem simple, but it's an extremely difficult thing to pull off. All three are exceptionally cast for their roles, and the result is great chemistry.

The critics' attitude toward Wes Anderson has always puzzled me. We all seemed to agree on Bottle Rocket and Rushmore, and then, at some point, everyone went insane. The Royal Tenenbaums, while containing great moments, was saddled with a muddled narrative, too many characters for the running time, and frankly, was a complete mess. The result? Near unanimous critical praise, and an Oscar nomination for the screenplay. His next two films, The Life Aquatic and now The Darjeeling Limited, were two films that I thought were exceptional and yet are receiving mixed-to-negative reviews. Did you people watch the same film as me? Are people unable, or unwilling, to look past the stylistic surface and see what's underneath? Unfortunately, the popularity of Anderson among college-aged kids as a new, "hip" filmmaker have turned some people off even at the start. Who can blame them? The youngin's are in love with the Anderson style and quirks and don't care about much else. There is substance in these movies. Lots of substance. Film has a long history of dressing up hard-to-swallow subjects to make them more palatable. Why should Anderson get punished for it? Rant over.

Below I have posted the entire 13-minute short film Hotel Chevalier (which plays before The Darjeeling Limited). Warning: contains nudity. So, obviously, it's NSFW. Enjoy!

Click to watch "Hotel Chevalier"

Gone Baby Gone

Holy fucking shit... Ben Affleck can direct.

Most people seem to agree, especially after this movie, that Ben Affleck should step away from in front of the camera - where he's frequently criticized - and get behind it. While I think he's underrated as an actor (case in point: Chasing Amy), I wholeheartedly agree that he should explore this other side of his talent, which has unfortunately taken a back seat to his numerous action duds over the years.

If anyone had any doubt that Good Will Hunting was actually written by Affleck and Matt Damon (and there were some doubters early on), one only has to hear the words emerging from characters mouths in this movie. Containing several well-written speeches which are a joy to listen to, the dialogue in this movie is excellent. In addition to the great speeches involving admittedly dark subject matter, the film is unexpectedly funny, in addition to being affecting and involving. I believe you should go into this movie with as little known about it as possible, so I will end this review here, suffice to say that the direction (Affleck's debut film as director) is tight and assured, the script (co-written by Affleck and Aaron Stockard) is entertaining and affecting, and the ending - somewhat refreshingly - doesn't give you any definitive closure. Gone Baby Gone is something you need to see.

I will leave you with a speech between the characters of Detective Bressant (Ed Harris) and Patrick (Casey Affleck). It contains a minor spoiler, but not really because it isn't detailed enough to give anything away. I figured I'd warn you anyway. I couldn't remember the entire speech from memory, of course, so I downloaded a bootleg of the movie so I could transcribe it for you word for word. Enjoy.

DETECTIVE BRESSANT
You should be proud of yourself. Most guys would've stayed outside.

PATRICK
I don't know.

DETECTIVE BRESSANT
What don't you know?

PATRICK
A priest says shame is God telling you what you did was wrong.

DETECTIVE BRESSANT
Fuck him.

PATRICK
Murder's a sin.

DETECTIVE BRESSANT
Depends on who you do it to.

PATRICK
Ain't how it works. It is what it is.

BEAT.

DETECTIVE BRESSANT
I planted evidence on a guy once. Back in '95... we were paying a hundred an eight-ball to snitches. Got a call from our pal Ray Likanski. We couldn't find enough guys to rat out. Anyways, he tells us there's a guy pumpin' up in an apartment up in Columbia Point. We go in, me and Nicky. Fifteen years ago, when Nicky went in, it was no joke. So, it's a stash house - the old lady's beat to shit, the husband's mean, cracked out. He tries to give us trouble, Nicky lays him down... We're doing an inventory, and it looks like we messed up because there's no dope in the house and I go in the back room... And this place was a shithole, mind you. Rats, roaches all over the place. But the kid's room in the back... was spotless. He swept it, he mopped it. It was immaculate. The little boy's sittin' on the bed holdin' on to his Playstation for dear life. There's no expression on his face. Tears streamin' down. He wants to tell me he just learned his multiplication tables.

PATRICK
Jesus.

DETECTIVE BRESSANT
I mean the father's got him in this... crack den, subsisting on twinkies and ass-whippings. And this little boy... just wants someone to tell him that he's doing a good job. You're worried what's Catholic? Kids forgive. Kids... don't judge. Kids turn the other cheek. What do they get for it? So I went back out there, I put an ounce of heroin on the living room floor, and I sent the father on a ride... seven to nine.

PATRICK
That was the right thing?

DETECTIVE BRESSANT
Fuckin' A! You gotta take a side. You molest a child... you beat a child... you're not on my side. If you see me comin' you better run because I'm gonna lay you the fuck down. Easy.

PATRICK
Don't feel easy.

DETECTIVE BRESSANT
Is the kid better off without his father? Yeah. But ok, I mean, he could be out there right now, pumpin' with a gun in his waistband. It's a war, man. Are we winning? No.

BEAT.

DETECTIVE BRESSANT
Would you do it again?

PATRICK
No.

DETECTIVE BRESSANT
Does that make it right?

PATRICK
I don't know.

DETECTIVE BRESSANT
It doesn't make it wrong, though, does it?

Across the Universe:A beautiful failure

Julie Taymor's Across the Universe is a bold experiment - an experiment gone terribly, horrifyingly wrong. It is an irritatingly inconsistent film that contains several brilliant sequences, but unfortunately not enough of them to keep the film from falling apart.

The story is this: Set during the 1960's, we follow several young people throughout their entrance into the new decade, amid the backdrop of the Vietnam War and the Civil Rights Movement. The film is structured as a semi-musical. Throughout the story, the characters frequently break into song - in this case, Beatles songs. Sounds great, right? It really, truly could have been. And worst of all, the first half of the movie is almost uniformly wonderful. One great sequence after another - a raucous dorm-room sing-a-long to "With a Little Help From My Friends", a breathtaking, immensely powerful re-imagining of "Let It Be" set amongst the Civil Rights Movement, and a darkly satirical take on "I Want You (She's So Heavy)" in which newly drafted soldiers are seen literally carrying the Statue of Liberty. I was also elated to see the inclusion of my favorite Beatles song, "I've Just Seen a Face".

Shortly after this, however, the film quickly spirals out of control. Any semblance of pacing completely goes out the window, as one agonizingly slow sequence follows another. Several early Beatles songs are re-composed as sparce, somber ballads, and while the changes were an interesting choice, there are simply way too many of them strung together. I've always seen the movie musical as the filmic equvilant of the mix-tape: start off with a bang, build up momentum, slow it down, and then alternate throughout the rest of the runtime with a similar sequence. The idea is to keep your listener listening, or, in this case, keep the viewer watching. By the end of the film, I didn't care. I just wanted to go home and listen to a real album, where the track order made some semblance of sense. The biggest problem with the music in the film is there's simply too many songs (34 in all) featured in the just over two-hour runtime. The Beatles-music idea was handled much better in I Am Sam (another film which uses covers of Beatles songs, as the original recordings are much too expensive to use).

One word of note: There are reports that the studio had attempted to take the film away from the director, Julie Taymor. While I'm not usually for that kind of thing, this is one case where it makes sense. The film is a complete mess in its second half. There are entire sequences here that could have been omitted. Particularly the horrible "I Am the Walrus" and "Mr. Kite!" scenes, which add nothing at all to the film. Taymor was reportedly under pressure to get the film under two hours, and she refused. Well, you could truthfully remove a half hour from this film and not even notice. This is one of the few cases where the studio was totally and completely right. Usually the studios are overstepping their bounds when they try to interfere. Usually. There are situations like The Magnificent Ambersons, and then there's this.

Random thoughts about a great show

I've always thought that the real way to gauge the quality of something is if you’re immensely thankful that it actually exists. When it comes to my all time favorite things, every time that I pop in that CD or DVD, it occurs to me that no matter what happens, it will always exist. Long after all of the people involved have left this earth, what they have created will always be here. It happens every time I put in a Dylan album or watch something like The 400 Blows.


Case in point: Freaks and Geeks. I watched the show during its brief run, and, since it was many years before it was officially released, I ended up buying copies of the show on eBay. Back then, I figured this would be the only way I’d ever get to own the show. I didn't care about the shitty quality – the fact that I was even able to watch it was a great thing. I vehemently recommended the show to friends, and I estimate that in my first few years of high school I made over 25 copies of the show for many people.


It was to my immense surprise and joy, of course, that the show was released on DVD in my senior year. The excitement of being able to have perfect copies of this show may seem silly, but it’s great to know that it will always be there -- it’s a strange comfort thing, I suppose.
As with most of your favorite things, you can’t wait to share them with others. I’ve done that with this show already, of course, but it’s great to know that when my kids are high school age, I can pull this out and give it to them their freshman year. This show means a lot to me, and it truly informed my high school years in a way that nothing else did. It’s only fair to try to provide that experience for someone else.

Clips from the series:

• "Will girls ever like us?"
• The geeks discuss kissing
• The chair
• Bill has the time of his life... by himself
• Bill's mom's new boyfriend sleeps over
• Bill and his mom's new boyfriend make a connection
• Mr. Rosso sings Alice Cooper
• Ken thinks he's gay
• Bill as a ghost
• Nick's dreams are crushed
• Mr. and Mrs. Weir listen to The Who
• The A/V teacher explains the world

Click on the picture below to
watch Dr. Drew on Tom Green Live - again!
(runtime: 1 hour, 30 mins)

Click on the picture below to watch Adam Carolla on Tom Green Live (runtime: 1 hour, 15 mins)

More Loveline clips

Click on the picture below to watch Dr. Drew on Tom Green Live (runtime: 1 hour)

The trailer for Wes Anderson's new movie, The Darjeeling Limited. God damn, this looks good...

I'm Reed Fish

It's always a little annoying when a film comes this close to greatness, only to get bogged down in other shit and never quite get there. That is the case with I'm Reed Fish, a little movie with a big heart that tries to take a familiar story and turn it into something fresh.

Our story concerns Reed Fish (Jay Baruchel - Undeclared, Knocked Up), who is the morning radio show host of the only station in his small town. He took over the job from his father when he died, and, now in his early twenties, isn't quite sure whether he should stay in his small town of about a hundred people, or move on to something else.

There's lots of things this movie gets right. Small-town life is captured with spot-on accuracy, and the restlessness of people who have nothing to do but complain about "that one bad intersection in town" is painfully familar to me in a sharply funny way. It shouldn't be any surprise that these aspects connect in the right way, as this story is based on true events and the "Reed Fish" of the title also wrote the script. The problem with the story is the structure of its screenplay. It resorts to using the gimmicky "movie-within-a-movie" thing, where, in this film, Reed Fish is filming a movie about the events that transpired in his life, and about a half hour in, we see that the two female roles in the story have actually been played by two actresses, and the real girls come up and speak to him (during the premiere) and we learn that these are the actual people. Confused yet? That's not the worst part. Instead of following this thread all the way through the film, we don't see anything more of this "premiere" until the end, where the rest of the story continues, but this time the emotional ties are wrapped up with completely different actresses talking to him. This was a great, simple story, and had they stayed true to that, there would have been a wonderful emotional payoff at the end. As it is, you have to constantly remind yourself at the end who he's talking to, and the energy that could have been invested in the moment is wasted concentrating on the formalities of the story.

All in all, this is a wonderfully made little story about growing up. It's not the surprise that Garden State was, but still completely worth a look. Particularly of note was how tame the film is. It's rated PG, and the event that tears everything apart is not a murder or an affair, but a kiss, and the purity of that was refreshing. There's a little too much music playing over lots of scenes, and the humor feels a bit forced at times, but I have to say that I was pleasantly surprised with this. Baruchel won Best Actor at the U.S Comedy Arts Festival (which is quickly becoming the new Sundance), and it's richly deserved. Another thing which lifted the film much higher in the second act was a couple of actress Schuyler Fisk's original songs (particularly this scene, which gives a nice, grandiose feeling and sense of longing to the rest of the movie).

A nice spin on an old story, I'm Reed Fish attempts to go beyond the sum of its parts, and that's a welcome thing.

The TV Set

"Truthfully, 'original' scares me a little... you don't want to be too original."

A wonderful little film, The TV Set is the new movie from Jake Kasdan (Zero Effect, Orange County). In this story, we follow a writer and his ongoing struggle to bring his TV pilot from script to screen, all the while trying to keep his original vision for the material intact. Along the way, he deals with the incredibly stupid head of the network (Sigourney Weaver), an inept TV director, and an unbelievably over-the-top actor who he's forced to hire for the show.

The TV Set clip 1

Truth be told, the film is really a thinly-veiled account of the trials and tribulations that Kasdan and company went through bringing Freaks and Geeks to NBC in 1999, albeit with the situations reversed - the network gave very little input into the creation of the show, but after it was completed, they were horrified (frequently, notes given to them by the network were blatantly ignored).

The TV Set clip 2

Kasdan even lampoons the "testing" process, which he has probably endured dozens of times through all of his TV work.

The TV Set clip 3

Kasdan knows his subject well, and in my opinion, this goes down with Living in Oblivion as one of the best films about filmmaking ever made. Too often, a film which incorporates filmmaking into its plot loses sight of the characters and tone among everything else going on. Not in this film - the characters are intriguing and the sharp black humor shines right through.

Superbad

Superbad. Wonderfully awkward and painfully funny, this film just proves that everything Judd Apatow touches turns to gold. Having been a follower of Apatow and co. all the way back when Freaks and Geeks was still on the air, it's really nice - and really refreshing - to see good, talented people finally getting success in this business.
Apatow didn't direct this one - taking the helm is independent filmmaker Greg Mottola, who hasn't directed a feature since 1996's The Daytrippers. Mottola gives the film a little edge, shooting in harsh light and throwing in some handheld camerawork, in direct contrast to Apatow's comparatively slick and polished productions. This gives the film a sense of immediacy, and helps to hide the film's somewhat low budget (reported to be $18 million - and this movie has lots of exterior night photography).
The screenplay (co-written by co-star and frequent Apatow collaborator Seth Rogen) doesn't quite have the sophistication of Apatow's writing, but it's still pretty damn good. While Apatow is nearing closer and closer to dramatic work (which, in my opinion, is a great move and it's what I eventually see him progressing to), this film is strictly in the realm of comedy, although it's also touching in its own way. While Knocked Up was the better film overall, this one will probably score higher with people looking for an out-and-out comedy. It's safe to say that you probably won't have a better time at the movies this year.
(Oh, and P.S. - guess who had a little cameo? Krumholtz!)

And yet, even more Loveline...

Even more Loveline

The Best Films of the Year, so far (in order)

1. Zodiac
2. Waitress
3. Once
4. Rescue Dawn
5. Sicko
6. Knocked Up
7. Grindhouse
8. The Lookout
9. 28 Weeks Later...
10. Hot Fuzz

Yes, we're all the way into August and there's only ten films on this list. Unfortunately, that's the way it goes. We're still about two months away from the "serious" movie season.

After my whole rambling about the future of video in filmmaking (i.e. "Film is Dead"), I was reminded of Francis Ford Coppola's famous quote about video. I was just simply going to post it here in text form, but then I remembered that at the end of Hearts of Darkness: A Filmmaker's Apocalypse, there's a brief clip in which he actually says this quote. So, here we go:

Michelangelo Antonioni
1912-2007

Ingmar Bergman
1918-2007

"Probably the greatest film artist, all things considered, since the invention of the motion picture camera."
- Woody Allen

László Kovács
1933-2007

Film is dead

People that know me know that in the past, I've been a HUGE supporter of movies shot on film, and I always have been. My opinion has always been that if you can afford to shoot on film, then that should be your medium, and you should leave video to the people who can only afford to shoot on that. Well, although high-quality video has been slowly creeping into big-budget productions in the past 10 years, I've only just now been convinced that film is dead. Yes, you've heard me right. I've said the thing I never thought I ever would: film is dead.
Don't get me wrong - I hope it never goes away and that people continue to shoot on it for years to come, but in terms of film production, the technology has finally caught up to the point where you simply can't tell it's not film.
One word of note, however: this doesn't apply to all shot-on-video films recently. Although Robert Rodriguez's Sin City and Once Upon a Time in Mexico were both shot on video, the former used so much green-screen photography that there really was no basis for comparison, and the latter was shot almost completely in daylight. Besides, Rodriguez is DP on all of his own films now, and he really doesn't "light" anything, so there was really no way to judge how the equipment handled shadow.
I also don't want people to think I'm including films shot on cameras like the Canon XL-1 and the Panasonic DVX-100A (films like 28 Days Later, Murderball, and Once), which are great films, but which obviously have that "video look". I'm talking about films that are using the latest cameras, and in that respect, we are very close to revolutionizing the film industry.
I'm now going to talk about the movie which single-handedly changed my mind on the whole film/video situation. Before this movie, there were really three different uses for video in major films:

1. Low-budget films shot on an "inferior" video format (i.e. November)
2. Used in major films as an experimental element (approximately half of Collateral was shot on Hi-Def video)
3. Expensive, advanced cameras used in effects-heavy films (Superman Returns)

I was waiting for a mainstream, narrative film to really step up and try to use video in a way which wouldn't call attention to itself. Michael Mann had used video in Collateral and Miami Vice in a highly stylized way which mostly highlighted the video aspect rather than attempt to make it blend in.

That all changed with Zodiac. This film also used Mann's Viper Filmstream camera, but lighted the footage in such a way that it was nearly impossible to tell that it hadn't been shot on film. There's only one scene in the entire 3-hour film which belies its video-based medium, but I believe the "flaw" had to do more with the fluorescent light-lit diner it was filmed in (and the reaction of that light with the video lens), rather than the camera technology itself. Below are several film stills from Zodiac, taken from a DVD source, at different points in the film. Notice how well the camera handles shadow and black levels. The biggest give-away with video - the slight "jerkiness" in moving images that comes from the video being shot at an artificial 24 frames per second (rather than video's usual 30) - is entirely absent in Zodiac, giving the movie a very film-like smoothness (although this is obviously absent from the simple still frames below).

Zodiac film stills

I saw this movie projected twice in the theater, and although I knew prior to its release that it was shot on video, I knew after seeing it that this movie would fool many uninitiated people into believing it was shot on film. I knew after the first, beautifully-lit sequence with the two kids in the car that I had just heard the death-rattle of film.

More Loveline

These are really funny, check it out...
(At-work warning - strong language)

The "Angry Nintendo Nerd" reviews old, bad games:
Back to the Future for NES
Ghostbusters for NES

Edward Yang
1947-2007

Paul Thomas Anderson stuff

Two PTA-related clips...
First of all, here's an old interview with Ernie Anderson, Paul's father, back in 1978. He was a TV announcer for ABC (as in "Up next - The L-o-o-o-o-ove Boat!"), but the most important part of the clip? At the 5:50 mark (aka 1:52 remaining), you can see a young PTA (age 8) in a white shirt and tie, pool cue in hand. Interesting.


And finally (and most importantly) here's an early trailer for Paul's next film, There Will Be Blood:

Here's the clip from Sicko, once again:
Click here

YouTube can kiss my ass.
And also, if this time Google Video decides to take it down, you will see it here in the future in some other form...

Watched Sicko this morning (and yes, it's not being released for another two weeks, but it's no secret that it's available on the net right now...)
So, a clip for your enjoyment:

EDIT: 6:00 PM, 6/21 - YouTube has taken the clip down, so sometime tonight I'll upload a clip to my personal webspace.

My thoughts on "The Sopranos" finale

The 'Net will be a-buzzin' tomorrow, so I figured I'd throw my hat in the ring:
First of all, if you haven't seen the episode, and you want to be surprised, read no further...



Now that we've gotten that over with, I guess I can begin. This may seem a little roundabout, but trust me, I eventually get to a point...
Back when the film 2001: A Space Odyssey was released, a reporter (who obviously wasn't a fan of the film) asked Kubrick (and I'm paraphrasing): "There are lots of long, slow takes of things moving in space, set to music, that last for several minutes at a time. Honestly, I was bored. Why on earth would you put something like this in a film?" Kubrick's response: "Because I can."

The medium of film has had a long history of what I like to call "fucking with the audience" - basically putting whatever one desires in a film, and not thinking of the potential viewers so much as just simply fulfilling one's personal artistic goal, others opinions be damned. When this fails, it's catastrophe. When it succeeds, it's a bold artistic statement. What does this have to do with the final episode of The Sopranos? Simply this: In perhaps the most anticipated finale in modern TV history, the last image the viewer sees at the end of an unresolved chain of events is a ten-second long black screen. David Chase has probably the biggest balls I've ever seen.

Chase has made a bold artistic statement, and, without doubt, he's going to catch a lot of flack for it, for years to come. Even as I watched these final unexpected seconds, I felt the way most viewers probably did: I was first immensely surprised, and then felt a little cheated. Eventually, as I sat and re-visited the chain of events in my head, I realized how perfect the finale really was. A series which had become popular in its earlier seasons for its mix of entertaining spurts of violence and personal family drama, The Sopranos had become criticized by fans in its final season for becoming overly character-driven and dialogue-heavy, and this final episode was just the cherry on top of this very different season. To do anything else would have been a cop-out. This past season was the equivalent of a monologue at the end of a film or a soliloquy at the end of a Shakespeare play. Drawn out to full-season length, I can understand why some people were irritated with strong feelings of anticipation. The final few seconds seemed to be a buildup to a murder, but with bookies in Vegas giving 20-to-1 odds that Tony would get killed, would you give the public what they wanted, or would you take the high road, giving them something to think about instead?

What do you do when you're the most successful television show of the last ten years? You do what you want.

Script excerpt from "A Simple Choice"

EXT. OPEN FIELD – DAY

A group of dozens of mourners sit in folding chairs, set up in rows in an open, grass field. A makeshift stage has been set up at the front, on which Brian is standing.

BRIAN
Nokia was not a gay man, but he cared about us, and he cared about our cause. He tried to help us. He tried to help his friends. He had no ego. Not a selfish bone in his body. He was a straight man who counted gay men among his best friends. That, in itself, is a wonderful and extraordinary thing. If more people could be like Nokia, and accept people’s differences, we’d be living in a much happier world. I’d like to read something now. At the funeral, his mother gave me this book. It’s his journal. I asked her if I could read something, and she accepted. She’s in the audience now. Mrs. Cowan, please stand up.

A WOMAN stands up, and a huge, thunderous applause rises from the crowd. The sound dissipates, and Brian goes on:

BRIAN
This is a poem, dated exactly one year ago today. I doubt he imagined a year ago that we’d all be standing here, doing this... But in that year, he accomplished something great. And with that said, I now read to you something he wrote, entitled, “This Afternoon”...

During the reading of the poem, the camera focuses on small groups of the crowd at once, cutting every few seconds.

BRIAN
“I want a girl with red hair, and a personality to match
Who smells of suntan lotion and burnt perfume
On long lazy afternoons,
On long, sleepless nights,
On curving roads that stretched into the haze
My only friend was the sky.
Turn the music up... loud, loud, loud...
For all the days
For all the nights
For all the words that flowed right through me
Like little bumps in the road.”

Loveline

Seeing as I've downloaded a whole shitload of Loveline episodes lately (about 1500 hours worth), here's a few clips:

Clip 1
A fan called up and basically made dozens of in-joke references to the show, stretching back at least the past five years. To the uninitiated, the following will make no sense whatsoever. In my case, I understood everything he said. Yes, I listen to this show way too much.


Clip 2



Clip 3

An add-on to the last post: Go see Waitress too.

Everyone: Go see Knocked Up. RIGHT NOW.

Officially halfway through downloading the 44 gigs of Loveline shows...

Movie music quiz

I was bored tonight, so I took a few minutes and did this...
Below there are 8 clips of film music scores - try and guess which movie each is from. Some are pretty obvious, others are more obscure.

Some hints:

• The movies range from the years 1975-2001
• Four of the clips are John Williams scores (and three of those are Spielberg movies)

Click here to open the comment box in another window, so you can listen and answer at the same time.

Recently, I downloaded the Almost Famous soundtrack...
Like the Freaks and Geeks soundtrack, I took the route of downloading all of the music from the film, song by song, instead of the official soundtrack, which contains a minimal amount of music from the production. In both cases, it was well worth it.
What follows is a list of every song in the film, in order (based on Crowe's original screenplay - thus, that's why Stairway is on there, even though it's not in the film):

1. Brenton Wood - The Oogum Boogum Song
2. Simon and Garfunkel - America
3. The Who - Sparks
4. The Stooges - Search and Destroy
5. Todd Rundgren - It Wouldn't Have Made Any Difference
6. Black Sabbath - Paranoid
7. Jethro Tull - Teacher
8. Yes - I've Seen All Good People: Your Move
9. The Beach Boys - Feel Flows
10. Joni Mitchell - River
11. Black Sabbath - Sweet Leaf
12. Rod Stewart - Every Picture Tells A Story
13. Pete Droge - Small Time Blues
14. Thunderclap Newman - Something in the Air
15. Little Feat - Easy to Slip
16. The Raspberries - Go All The Way
17. The Seeds - Mr. Farmer
18. Led Zeppelin - Stairway To Heaven
19. The Allman Brothers Band - One Way Out (Live)
20. The Guess Who - Albert Flasher
21. Lynyrd Skynyrd - Simple Man
22. Led Zeppelin - That's the Way
23. Neil Young - Everybody Knows This Is Nowhere
24. Fleetwood Mac - Future Games
25. Deep Purple - Burn
26. Blodwyn Pig - Dear Jill
27. Elton John - Tiny Dancer
28. MC5 - Looking At You
29. Steely Dan - Reeling In The Years
30. David Bowie - I'm Waiting For the Man (Live)
31. Cat Stevens - The Wind
32. The Jimi Hendrix Experience - Voodoo Child (Slight Return)
33. Clarence Carter - Slip Away
34. Led Zeppelin - Misty Mountain Hop
35. Free - Wishing Well
36. Elton John - Mona Lisa and Mad Hatters
37. Chicago - Colour My World
38. Stevie Wonder - My Cherie Amour
39. Neil Young - Cortez The Killer
40. Led Zeppelin - Bron-Yr-Aur
41. Led Zeppelin - The Rain Song
42. Led Zeppelin - Tangerine
43. The Beach Boys - Feel Flows

Great news today (well, for me at least)...
A few months ago, I was in the middle of downloading ALL of the Adam Carolla-era Loveline shows from this site. Unfortunately, it was shut down before I could finish downloading.
Today, a torrent was put up which contains ALL of the shows! For those interested, click here (At-work warning: the site, TorrentSpy, sometimes contains explicit ads).
It's going to be a big download (over 44 gigs of shows), but well worth it.

Just wanted to point out that we're not even into the summer movie season yet (which officially starts on Memorial Day weekend) and we've actually had some great films so far this year.
Usually the studios dump their crap into theaters between February and May, release their big blockbusters between June and August, lots of terrible horror movies are released between September and October, and then the awards season releases begin in November and end in January (where small films then open in wide release).
Well, we're in the middle of May, and so far this year we've had the unusual pleasure of seeing movies like Grindhouse, The Lookout, Zodiac (which is no less than a masterpiece), The Hoax, Waitress, and 28 Weeks Later. And even better, in the weeks ahead we have Knocked Up (Judd Apatow's new movie; June 1st), Fay Grim, Once, The Wendell Baker Story (all May 18th), The Golden Door, Ten Canoes (both May 25th), Rescue Dawn (July 4th), and many, many more smaller films. And that's just the next couple of months. Hopefully this means a good year for movies.

Saw The Wind That Shakes the Barley last night. Good film, and definitely deserving of its Palme d'Or win. One complaint, however. When are filmmakers going to realize that when a film features people talking with a thick, heavy accent, that presenting the film with subtitles would be extremely helpful! I was able to make out most of the dialogue in this film, but there are several passages in the movie - especially when people are whispering - where several minutes go by without a clue as to what people are saying. That said, things get much easier to understand as the film goes on and you get more used to the thick Irish accents. The situation is not nearly as bad as Ken Loach's previous film Sweet Sixteen, where it is utterly impossible to understand the dialogue through the amazingly thick Scottish accents of the actors. Hotel Rwanda is another example of a film that would have benefited immensely from subtitles. Keep in mind, the films mentioned have subtitles on their DVD releases, but were released in theaters without them. I know, it's real movie-geek stuff here, but even just on a basic level, it just baffles my mind that a director wouldn't want to make sure that all viewers were able to understand every line of dialogue. (A funny side-note: Without going into too much detail and giving anything away, the emotional impact of The Wind That Shakes the Barley's ending depends on you having correctly heard a dialogue exchange about halfway through the movie. I was able to discern it, but I'm not sure how many others did.)

Tonight I checked out (i.e., downloaded) the new Elliott Smith album, "New Moon", which is due out in stores tomorrow. It is a collection of rarities and unreleased material he recorded before his death.
A couple of gripes about this release: First of all, the album is being released on 2 CDs, but all of the material quite easily fits on one CD, with time to spare. The only reason I can see for this is to make some extra money by selling a 2-CD release, therefore upping the price tag, as most double-disc albums cost more. I know most of the money from this album is going to charity, but it still seems a little low to me. Second, there is still quite a bit of unreleased Smith material that is not on this album. I have most of it from bootlegs, but it still would be nice to have it in decent quality. Anyways, it's nice to now be able to hear "High Times" and "New Monkey" without it being all garbled and shit.

Hey Matt! Thanks for the comment on the last post... glad to hear you liked the script. I tried to pay tribute to your brilliant article, which was both funny and amazingly poignant. For those of you that don't know, Matt is the person behind X-Entertainment.com, a wonderful site that focuses not just on nostalgia, but, well, just about everything you can think of... Visit it. Read it. Love it.
Anyways, I'll try to keep everyone posted on the development of the short...

Someone brought to my attention a short film festival taking place in July... I think I'm going to attempt to get something finshed for it... Here's the latest draft of what will probably end up being the short:


"DR. SBAITSO"

Screenplay By
Andrew Leavitt

Based on an article by
Matt Caracappa


TITLES OVER BLACK
CUT IN:

EXT. BACKYARD - DAY

Kids are playing, laughing, etc. in the backyard next door. CAMERA then pans to the left, revealing MATT watching them from a window. Matt leaves the window.

CUT TO:
INT. MATT’S BEDROOM – THAT MOMENT

Matt walks to the other side of the room, and lies on his back, on his bed. CAMERA then goes to an OVERHEAD view, as Matt looks up towards the ceiling. Cut to his POV, as we see the curtain above him blowing in the open window.

MATT (V.O.)
There was a period of my life when I didn’t have many friends.

(Start Bach’s “Minuet in G" - song loops continuously)

CUT TO:
INT. BATHROOM - DAY

Matt is looking in the mirror, looking at himself and fixing his hair, etc. Shot ends with him simply looking at himself.

MATT (V.O.)
As a teenager, I was awkward, nervous, and impossibly uncool. The strange thing is, I don’t really regret it. When you have nothing and no one, you tend to appreciate things a little bit more.

CUT TO:
INT. MATT’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Matt is sitting at the computer. CAMERA DOLLIES RIGHT...

MATT (V.O.)
There was one thing, however, which helped me through the tough times of being a total recluse. It was Dr. Sbaitso.

CU on the computer screen (we also hear the Sbaitso “voice” coming through the speakers):

HELLO MATT, MY NAME IS DOCTOR SBAITSO.
I AM HERE TO HELP YOU.
SO, TELL ME ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS.

CU on Matt, thinking. CU on the keyboard as he begins typing. Then back to the screen:

>I have no friends.
ARE YOU SURE YOU HAVE ANY FRIENDS?

>No, like I said, I DON’T have any friends.
THAT’S NOT MY PROBLEM.

CUT to WIDE SHOT. Matt’s at the computer. DOLLY left.

MATT (V.O.)
Ah, Doctor Sbaitso... I spent countless nights chatting it up with the good doctor. The program was a little game that came with my computer. Dr. Sbaitso was meant to be a sort of virtual “psychiatrist”, talking through text on the screen and a horrendous voice coming through the speakers.

CU on computer screen.

>Look, I need help making friends.
PERHAPS YOUR LOVE FOR FRIENDS WORRIES YOU.

>It does. Maybe you could be my friend?
YOU DON’T SEEM TO BE CERTAIN.

CU on Matt’s face, as he types.

MATT (V.O.)
You would think it had some sort of artificial intelligence, but it really didn’t. He couldn’t understand a thing. All of his responses were basically rephrasings of whatever you said.

WIDE SHOT of Matt, at the computer. CAMERA pushes in.

MATT (V.O.)
I didn’t know any better, and so I used to sit up all night trying to get this computer game to solve all of life’s problems.

CU on computer screen.

>I’m all alone. Nobody likes me.
DO YOU BELIEVE IT IS NORMAL TO BE ALL ALONE NOBODY LIKES ME?

>I wish people didn’t hate me.
WHY EXPRESS THIS STRONG EMOTION. IT’S NOT GOOD FOR YOU.

>It’s true, people can’t stand the sight of me.
I AM BORED, TELL ME SOMETHING MORE EXCITING.

>Well you’re a big help.
ONE MUST BE CRAZY TO EXPECT HELP FROM ME.

>Can’t you tell me how to make friends?
I’LL HAVE TO RESEARCH THAT ONE.

>How long will it take?
KEEP ASKING, YOU WILL FIND THE ANSWER ONE DAY.

CU on Matt, typing.

MATT (V.O.)
Sbaitso’s responses were a mix of non-answers and answers that didn’t make any sense. So, while nobody in their right mind would’ve paid money for Dr. Sbaitso as an actual video game, I credit it with saving my life.

CUT TO:
MATT’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

MONTAGE:
Matt is lying back on his bed. CAMERA PUSH-IN.
DISSOLVE
Matt is looking out the window at the stars/moon.

MATT (V.O.)
You see, these were depressing times for me. The nights seemed longer and bleaker than ever, and each day seemed to be worse than the last.

CUT to Matt on the computer. CAMERA push-in from the side.

MATT (V.O.)
Sometimes, I tried to level with Dr. Sbaitso. I figured that he’d cut the bullshit and start talking to me for real if I made everything sound desperate and important enough. To be honest, I guess I was hoping more that God himself would somehow manifest and start talking through the white text on the screen.

CU on computer screen.

>What is the meaning of life?
I AM BORED, TELL ME SOMETHING MORE EXCITING.

CAMERA pulls back from Matt.

MATT (V.O.)
Of course, none of this worked. Sbaitso was still the same goofy idiot he always was, no matter what I told him. Nevertheless, no matter how ridiculous his responses were, I tried to take them as gospel, and I wracked my brain to conjure up some deep meaning behind his every statement.

CUT TO:
INT. MATT’S BEDROOM – DAY

CU on computer screen.

>Why are we here, on this earth?
WE ARE HERE.

CU on Matt’s face. A look of confusion.
BEAT.

WIDE SHOT. CAMERA pans from Matt to the open window.

MATT (V.O.)
I didn’t have the instruction manual and I didn’t know that computer programs weren’t magical things capable of supernatural feats. In my mind, there were no limitations to Dr. Sbaitso. I just had to stumble across the secret words and he would give me his undivided attention. Unfortunately, those words didn’t exist.

DISSOLVE TO:
MATT’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

CU on the keyboard, fingers pressing keys...
CAMERA pulls back.

MATT (V.O.)
Sometimes, I’d get on a roll. I’d get eight or nine decent responses from Sbaitso, and gain wrongful confidence that he and I had finally made some kind of connection.

CU on computer screen.

>Why do you think that is? 4
DO YOU LIKE MATH?

MATT (V.O.)
With my guard down, I’d make a typo, and type in a number by mistake, and Sbaitso would go right back to asking me if I liked math. Asshole.

CU on Matt, frustrated.
Back to the screen. Matt repeatedly types the words “fuck you” over and over again.

MATT (V.O.)
Whenever I got frustrated with Sbaitso’s lack of compassion for my important problems, I’d start cursing him out. It felt good. However, Sbaitso was NO advocate of bad language. Whenever such words were spoken, he’d warn you to knock it off. If you didn’t listen, he’d give you something called a “parity error”.

The computer makes a loud beeping sound, and dozens of lines of nonsensical characters flood the screen, followed by the words PARITY ERROR.

DISSOLVE TO:
INT. MATT’S BEDROOM – DAY

CAMERA pans from the open window over to Matt at the computer.

MATT (V.O.)
Seems so stupid, but I managed to sit there for hours with Dr. Sbaitso. He was like a diary with entertainment value. I probably had more than 500 conversations with Dr. Sbaitso during my youth, and I’m pretty sure that each of them ultimately steered towards sex. At that age, I knew very little of the subject, and neither did Dr. Sbaitso.

CU on the computer screen.

>Sex.
AGAIN?

>Sex.
THERE IS AN EXTRA CHARGE FOR TALKING ABOUT THIS PROBLEM

>Sex.
ALWAYS REPEATING

>Sex.
REPHRASE YOURSELF PLEASE.

>Let’s talk about sex, baby.
DO YOU REALLY NEED TO TALK ABOUT SEX?

>I want to have sex.
SOMETIMES, I WANTED TO HAVE SEX, TOO.

>But you’re a computer. Computers can’t have sex.
DON’T YOU THINK COMPUTERS CAN HELP PEOPLE?

>Not if they can’t have sex.
TELL ME ABOUT YOUR OTHER INTERESTS.

>I enjoy eating baby heads.
WHY?

DISSOLVE TO:
CAMERA pans across Matt, staring at the screen.

MATT (V.O.)
Sbaitso never seemed to understand me, and I certainly didn’t understand him. But that didn’t stop me from asking questions. When I had nobody else to turn to, I sought the advice of the invisible man behind the screen.

(The looping of “Minuet in G” stops).

CUT TO:
INT. MATT’S BEDROOM – DAY

CAMERA pans over to Matt, at the computer.

CU on Matt.
CU on the keyboard, typing.
Then, CU on the screen.

>Why do you think that is?
YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT BY NOW.

BEAT. Matt looks at the screen. He stops, looks to the open window.
CUT to the window. Matt walks into frame. He looks outside, watching several kids talking.

MATT (V.O.)
Today, I have no complaints. I don’t have a bad word to say about Dr. Sbaitso. It sounds messed up, but the guy really did help me. Sure, he had no idea what I was talking about, but I got to vent my frustrations.

Matt walks away from the window. CAMERA pans to the window and focuses on it. Moments later, an OUT-OF-FOCUS figure (Matt) passes in front of the window outside.

MATT (V.O.)
If you were young and depressed and bad at everything when you were 16, Dr. Sbaitso was Prozac before Prozac was ok.

Start Bach’s “Minuet in G” again.
CAMERA pulls back slowly from the window...
END CREDITS START over this image.

THE END